agentttorange 18-21, F

there are so many things i need to confess. my mom passed away 1/27/2011. i miss her so much. things would be different if she were alive. but i lost her long before she died. she was sick my entire life. she was always in and out of the hospital. i took care of her more then she took care of me. i never would have told her this but i felt more like a mother to her then her child. i didnt have the mom i could talk to about boys or school or anything. i didnt have the mom who i could cry to. more then anything else in the world i want to have my mom alive and well. i want to have the mom who was able to get up and go shopping with me and be there when my heart was broken and be there when i… [more]

I shouldn't have told you.I knew nothing good would come from it anyway.I should have just let things go as they were.Because at least i still got to see you.At least we could talk.We were friends.And you occasionally cared about me.It was enough for me.But i ruined it.I wanted more.I knew you didnt.But i took a chance anyway.And now it has ruined me.… [more]

Because i can never show you.  These secrets and burdens will die with me. There are mine to hold forever.  To slowly drive myself in to pure insanity while i pretend this is all just a dream. =)… [more]

You think im happy.Most people think that too.I hide it so well.But behind these smiles,these laughs, and the funthere are tears.Tears waiting to flood out.Tears you will never see.Cuts you will never know about.Pain you cant understand.It's better this way.No explanation.Do ask, don't tell.And when i say im okayWhen i say im just tiredYou shrug it off.You accept that answerEven though you look in my eyesand you know its a lie.Can you look a little deeper one day?Pretend to care.Hold me.Tell me you know im not okay.Can i ever be happy?Will i ever find the right you.I know i wont.And ill accept it.Move on.Because **** happens.And i don't have any other options.… [more]