Male , 26-30

Hello there,
I'm a solitary mature, mindful and adventurous soul. As I age, I cogitate why I should continue to desire to live; hobbies, love with family friends and one intimate person. As well as a stimulating profession. I fervently desire to inculcate peace among all, and to solve disagreements and ignorance through rational open-minded and respectful conversation.

Last Seen May 11
Member Since Jan 02, 2010
Favorite Quote
Politics Moderate
Horoscope Capricorn
Special day
Books 'The Inner Journey' (G.I. Gurdjieff)- 'Into The Wild' ( Joseph Krauker)
Music Trance: ATB, Deaudmau5, Above & Beyond, C-Systems and much more!!
Movies Crash, SAW (entire series), Halloween (entire series), Into The Wild, Just about anything on the Sundance channel
Local Time May 22nd, 8:07 AM

I Am Following Georges Gurdjieff's Philosophy Of Living Life

I Wish I Could Disappear........ My real family, I dont know. My mother, father, and brother are out there somewhere in this world. They are living and suffering, I wonder if they think about me, especially  my mother who couldn't... [more]
Ameliorate has shared 1 Mature Experience
  • I Am Lonely

    Solitude, Peace, Self-reliance...and Lonely But Love It Too! Hello fellow people!Well, although I enjoy a lot of alone time; solitude, tranqulity, and silence, it gets to the point of desiring company. I look back in my past and I have always been con… [more]
  • I Am A Non-traditional Gay Male

    Not The Expected Breed Here..... Hi,I am non-traditional because I do not speak the 'gay lingo', utilize my sexuality more than what it is; because it is one part of me and shouldn't be exerted ostentatiously, conceited,&nb… [more]
  • I Am a Loner

    Proud & Secure Loner Firstly, I am hugely grateful and excited that this group exists. Just the other day I looked up the term 'loner' and it stated: one who avoids people. I thought for a few seconds and realized that I … [more]
  • I Think About the Future All the Time

    Life's objective What will I do tomorrow? How can I  be better than I was today? How can I work towards a goal that will take two, three or four years to reach? That self-improvement goal, the college degree,… [more]
  • Venting Confessions

    I Am Aware I am Mentally and Emotionally Unstable
    One day, in the beginning I am excited and in the best mood, thinking everythings fine. I 've got things in control and I feel strong, and my confidence and hope is unshaken. The goals are close and I'm sure happiness will come. I can handle being incredibly lonely, because the indpendence and self-reliance feels great. Then this next day, I feel as if I cannot do it anymore, when will I crack? I'm so close to the redzone, a walking explosive; full of profoundly repressed rage, anger and frustration! I hate the world and the people in it, my loneliness closes in and I know I will not win. The smile on my face shows the world that things are swell, when in truth there are storms underneath, w… [more]
  • Venting Confessions

    I Have Assessed That Many Do Not Like Or Understand Me....I Am Being Me...
    I guess I have created a person, within myself, who comes off as someone who many don't like or understand, or are intimidated by. When I socialize or briefly interact with many people I acknowledge in their eyes a look of irritation, disaproval, dislike, or some other indication that I turn them off. My personality is an introverted maverick; I don't need people's approval in a group to feel worthy, I don't follow others at all e.g., language or mentality; I don't care too much about being social just to be social; or following social norms regardless of it being socially acceptable-this is due to me rationally analyzing the act and concluding that it's totally absurd and disingenious; I … [more]
  • Friends Confessions

    I Intensely H.A.T.E. My Ex-Bestfriend Who I Live With
    Oh man, he is the most ego-centric, arrogant, blind, self-righteous, degrading person I have met in my life thus far! I moved in with him because I was going through extreme stress in NYC. I had left Cincinnati to go there and to start a new life, which ended up incredibly challenging. He knew what was going on up there because I kept in touch with him. It has been excruciatingly difficult to make friends and keep people in my life because many do not understand me. This leads to much disrespect, undervalue, and under appreciation. I have developed so much anger, hate, rage, depression and more from this. He knows that life was really rough, so we decided I would move in with him. Now, I did… [more]
  • Why Haven't I had The Mental & Emotional Breakdown Yet?......

    Posted on: January 12th, 2010 at 8:10PM

    Some days I am fine; being able to sustain a good level of mental strength, deep emotional suppression, being able to be so in control from an irate spate. My loneliness is so profound; I can feel in stomach or somewhere inside that there is absolutely no one who can truly hear me. I guess a lot of that has to do with how maverick, and clairvoant my psychology is. Many aren't used to non-traditional things, especially a person who is incredibly strong and speaks with so much thickness. I have to remember that it is not their fault they they cannot understand, one cannot force another to receive something they need received.I am confident to say that I am a good person; very genuine, honest, … [more]


  • Devastating Social Disrespect

    Posted on: February 20th, 2010 at 4:29PM

    I know the person I am. After some experiences in my life, I now hold incredible standards for myself, however, not to override or put down anyone. In fact, one of the highs is to see others be better human beings; morally, psychologically, humanely, and overall transcendant goodness. Self-improvement is one my 'niches'. What I have 'really' taken deep notice of, is how people misperceive me. Paying attention to how they respond, interact; what they say, what they don't say, how they say it i.e, the tone, body language, and certain actions they engage in speaks so much about how they 'possibly' regard me. Many emit intimidation, inferiority and the like, therefore leaving me to be chall… [more]


  • What Will Happen To An Incredibly Strong Person As He Proceeds Through Life Alone.....

    Posted on: January 6th, 2010 at 9:48AM

    Well my mind is in such chaos; I cannot decide on a definite option, why? Because I need to extensively assess that it will be the best move. Is it obsessive thinking? Or is it because the previous choices I have rendered in thinking that it was the best move. What does one do when he or she knows themself well; knows their own behavior, knows their strengths and weaknesses, has their goals written and typed up as a document, knows their standards for themself, is aware of the type of people they should be around but cannot find or knows where they belong in the world? My head is hurting as I am writing this; I have come up with another option in my life, which opens up more questions, risks… [more]


  • I Am Honered and Joyful To Be A Part of 'Experience Project'

    Posted on: January 12th, 2010 at 9:39PM

    This website has truly been an 'experience'. I have only belonged for a week or so but I read that the people here are resourceful. The open-mindedness, the free thinking, and thought-provoking stories, groups, blogs; the profound and intimate doors open by so many. This is a place, although through a computer, is welcoming and worth being proud to be a member of. I am utterly without someone in my life to share my unusual, forward thinking, deep thoughts and ideas with, and it hurts greatly. Nevertheless, I now have some type of social base, and I can also give my own insight to others too!!Everyone, please keep up the support and encouragement.....THANK YOU! … [more]