Sorry friends, I'm putting the mask on again. If I pretend I'm cheery, I might be happy some day.
What defines pain? Is it something to be learned from? Or possibly to harm us for all eternity? But I see it as it is. The ultimate form of beauty. The one thing man shall never create an alternative for.
Last Seen This member has placed their account on vacation and will not be responding to messages until their return.
Member Since Jan 10, 2012
Favorite Quote There is a seer, and a teller. One who can sense the omens, and one who can read them.
- a little Romanian
Vices Vice versa?
Special day 5-15
Books Anything good
Music Metal, but not rap metal
Movies Horror films
Local Time October 31st, 3:58 AM
Profile Whiteboard Recent Activity 226 Stories 2508 Experiences 174 Friends 46 Photos 19 Confessions 4 Dreams 1077 Questions Trophies
READ IT! Ok...some things. 1. No perverts. Not here for anything like that. Keep it in yer head! 2. Talk to me first. If you do not talk to me, I will be less likely to add you. Why? I don't... [more]
BloodRedShadow has shared 42 Mature Experiences
Bi + Bi = <3 Both myself and my gf are bisexual, and we have known it most of our lives. We had found eachother quite interesting for some time, and even though we are nothing alike, we decided to start a relation… [more]
Shoved In My Face I always wanted to settle down and start a family. I always did. But how is that possible if I can't make a family of my own? I'm all for adoptions, but it still hurts. I will never have a child of my… [more]
Looking Back i remember the first time i came upon this site in my search for fellow jashinists. there were so few believers, i just skipped over this site and didn't bother to do anything. this search was only a… [more]
Cheater Of Beauty I see her walk down She looks so fine Would you like to stop For dinner sometime? But remember deep Deep in my side That she is just Another lie … [more]
People, self-image, etc.I've always identified as female. Always. I wouldn't play with the boys when I was a kid, no, I was always with the others girls. People thought I was a little odd, but that's them. I am who I am. But there is this constant fear of people knowing and of secrets being told, especially when you pile secret upon secret. The only I fear though, is my secret. I'm trans. Mtf. My secret is the pain it causes me, the hell I've endured, and the people I've known who accept this part of me. One of them actually told me once, she could never see me as a guy, only a woman. This touched me to the core of my being. Another one I'm absolutely flattered by is here on EP. We've been pals, yeah, good pals. We… [more]
The painI feel pain every day of my life. I pray every night, that I would wake up the next morning and be free of this prison I live in, this skin that labels me "male". I pray so hard, and sometimes I dream it comes true. But they are only cruel dreams. I have been with a man before my dear Colton. I will never admit he was someone I cared for, never! He touched me...as a gay would touch another man...not as a man would a woman. I will never let myself be touched again, not in any way by anyone. I flinch at any contact. Colton is drifting away because of it. I just wish I could be who I am...not Alex...but Amber. Why can't this happen? Why? Thank you a million times over, Christine. You have helpe… [more]
Out of the proverbial closet soonI've already told my family. Mother never saw me as anything short of her daughter since that day. My fiancée knows, and she treats me as her equal. My younger sibling knows, and only calls me "big sister" unless we're somewhere public, which she calls me "big brother" or by my name. It wouldn't bother me so much that my friends don't know, but the thing is, they're all guys. Normal high school guys, unlike me. My self image is screwed, I hate my physical appearance. But they would never understand that. But the thing is, I can't keep on pretending to be someone I know I'm not. I have to be true to myself. But I am so scared to lose those friends. We were going to try and keep in touch as fr… [more]
A Letter To MaiaDearest Maia, I know I shouldn't start a letter all mushy and stuff, but we've been through so much together. We"be seen all the wonder we can be for one another, and what terrors can befall us in this sort of relationship. But I wan you to know every minute of it was worth it. You have proven to me that I can be a woman, no matter what. I can be the gal who is worth her salt. But I know I've helped you too. My issues are insignificant compared to yours. I can't imagine what pain you must have been through. I can't even begin to fathom the hate you have for all of those people who wronged you, stabbed you in the back, and used you only to throw you away. Bit those days are over dragi, the… [more]