curiousebonybutterfly 31-35, F

I felt in love with this great guy or at least I thought. I lost my virginity to him. I was a late bloomer in that sense. lol He was so charming at first. Let me just say this, we was totally opposite. I am and was a bbw black woman and he was a slim built white man.  He was loud, a harder worker, and at first he loved to party. I on the other hand, was soft spoken, harder worker, and my ideal of a good time was a dinner and movies, or even a good book. But say all that at once we fit. His wildness became mild and I became more out going. Soon, we was engaged. It was the best thing that happen to me in a very long time. But his job, was moving to another city, so I decided to deleted the wed… [more]

 People see me as intelligent but level of education is high school.. I learned how to hide my feeling and my hurt and pain behind this great big smile. People see what I allow them to view in me. I am strong and independent but honestly I'm fragile. I feel rejection so easily but I learn how to masked that with cold shoulder attitude. But a few this that never changes are how sincere and caring and loving and honest I am to others. I wish I can trust and really be able to open up to people. But I  only allow others to see my strength and never my weakness. I felt vulnerable and weak as a child but as a woman I'm strong. Underneath this attitude of strength is a lonely old girl with a heart … [more]

I am not any good at breaking someone's heart. He is 19 and I am 31. He is my nephew's friend. He comes over to the house most days. My nephew lives with me. But any ways, the guy been going thru somethings. To make the long story short, we became friends. We talk just like any other friend . I did not realize he was starting to develop feelings for me. A  couple of days ago , he planting the most juices, passionate sensual kiss on me. Lets just say I was more than flattered but also shocked. He went on to say, how much he cares and loves me. I feel so terrible. I didn't allow him to come to the house yesterday. About a couple of hours ago I just told him, I did not feel the same. I felt so … [more]

These last few weeks, I have been back and forth to the doctors. First it was hormonal problems. I smile and say ok. Then you say you need an ultrasound. I say no problem. Now you telling me that I need more test. The ultrasounds shows 2 large cysts that has blood flowing thru on my ovaries. That is bad. The doctor wants to send me to a specialist to do a biopsy. I smile and say thank you. Now I am sitting here in my house alone. Thinking how do I tell my family. All the positivity has went out the window. I am scared honestly terrified. I'm 31 have no kids and I always thought I had time. All these what ifs are going in my head. I feel so scared and all alone. I don't know what to do or eve… [more]