espressluv 31-35, F

I wanna cheat on you. Just cause it would make it even. Maybe it would be fun. It would be exciting, happy, distracting. Just don't think I"m actually brave enough, or mean enough, or so stupid. But there are lots of times where I think it's what I want.… [more]

So he said he wanted to go out tonight - in a vague, maybe I"ll go to the mall, maybe I'll call Tony way, and I felt relief. Oh - that's nice. I'll have the evening to myself. This is how it all used to be. He goes out with his friends, drinks too much, is irresponsible, pretends he's 21 and not 36 with two kids. I stay at home, but am happy to not have the friction of him being here. Until he does it so much that I start to feel rejected or suspicious. Does that mean I have the same marriage that I left last year??? Is there no hope that we might actually be able to be married in any real different way?? Do I just give up hope? How does a person even know!… [more]

So I got the apartment and I moved out. When I told my husband, I just cried and cried. I left to go back to this place where I was so excited to go, and I felt lonely. I know that I may feel lonely for awhile, and that doesn't mean going back is necessarily the right thing, but I can acknowledge the loss of what 'could've been'. I went back to the house to discuss with my husband what will happen with the boys over the holidays (they are visiting their grandparents this weekend). We ended up spending an hour talking about what this all means and what we could do for our marriage. I don't know if I am being stupid and setting myself up for hurt and misery, but I told my husband that … [more]

I'm moving out! I'm leaving for good. Just cause you refuse to acknowledge what is going on doesn't mean it isn't happening. I'm lining everything up, planning, and hoping for the best!! I'll make a happy home for me and the boys. I know that we will still have lots to figure out, but I'm not staying here where you refuse to discuss anything and threaten and stomp and yell every time I try. So here's to getting that sweet little place and moving real soon!… [more]