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Feeling thoughtful
✌Let the good times roll. Do what thou wilt.✌

Laissez les bons temps rouler. I am riddled with confusion about who I am, what the world is, and what my place in all of this might be. I'm fiercely dedicated to those that I love, while at the same time I acknowledge the possibility that I may not even know what love is. I wonder constantly if I am good enough. I strive to make myself believe that I am. I tiptoe around the dark pit of depression and the cutting blade of anxiety. I escape into other worlds through literature. I want to be happy. I hide my tears. I miss people that probably haven't thought of me in years. I remember. I have been told I think too much. In the grand scheme of things, I am inconsequential. The truth is that there is no person at all in the world; there is only presence. You are not — not as an ego, separate from the whole. You are part of the whole. The whole penetrates you, the whole breathes in you, pulsates in you, the whole is your life.

Last Seen 8 hrs ago
Member Since Mar 02, 2010
Favorite Quote
Heritage
  • 100% American
  • and a little Spanish
Vices books, sleep, and pot
Politics Anarchist
Horoscope Pisces
Special day
Books too many!
Music Pepper, 311, The Supervillains, Incubus, AFI, Marilyn Manson
Movies
Local Time November 27th, 3:44 AM

I Love Wearing Braided Hair

Had my hair braided at the renaissance festival today! It looks so pretty. I'm extremely happy with the way it turned out. French catnip braid. If you're curious, check my album to see a picture :) [more]
findmeholdmeloveme has shared 607 Mature Experiences
  • I Wtk What's Your Love Type

    ISFJ Apparently Matches With ESTP Or ESFP... Whatever That Means This sounds just like me. Although, if I'm frustrated with anything in my relationship I definitely won't keep it hidden from my partner. The Nurturer In love, you ar… [more]
  • I Take Lexapro

    Side Effects. I just recently got back on Lexapro after nearly a year without taking any antidepressants. It's been about three weeks that I've now been on 20 mg Lexapro and 150 mg Wellbutrin XL. I've noticed some … [more]
  • I Like Older Men

    Wonderful I know that not all older men out there are in the "creepy old guy" category, even if they are infatuated with younger women. I have high respect for those men who outwardly proclaim to like younger w… [more]
  • I Am Listening To This Youtube Music Video Right Now

    Look At This! Get Him To The Greek- Ring Around My Rosie … [more]
  • Health Confessions

    my transformation
    I'm not the girl I used to be. I have gone past the point of no return and morphed into something new. This was a necessary change - I knew it was coming. I will be stronger, better, and happier. The old skin has been shed and I have been reborn. I have found the better part of me. Oh! I could just weep for joy. I feel like never before. Renewed. Where could this lead me next? It's time for the next stage of my life. It's time to LIVE.… [more]
  • Venting Confessions

    fat people
    I think you're gross. Especially when you sit across from me at the gate while I wait for my flight and you stick your pudgy hand into a bag of chips then munch your Bugles and drink your coke as your enormous double chin jiggles like some grotesque deformation with a mind of its own. You don't need the empty calories. You are going to die an early death after your legs are amputated because of your type 2 diabetes. Oh, you are quite a specimen of the human condition. Your gluttony is out of control. Your mouth moves like a cow chewing its cud. I think I will call you America. America, get your **** together.… [more]
  • Family Confessions

    I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place
    Sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I feel like a low-down lying POS scumbag. I am an atheist. I am free to say so here, in this one place, and to a few close confidantes. I live in Texas, and both of my parents are Roman Catholic. All of my extended family is zealous. They are all Christian. I have tried to explain my point of view to my mother and father, to no avail. They continue to urge me to read the Bible, pray, and attend mass every Sunday. I have been very active in the parish my father and I attend. I regularly volunteer with the choir and also read scripture as a lector. I haven't gone to confession in over a year, but continue to receive Communion every Sunday. I interact with the… [more]
  • What makes me happy?

    Posted on: August 18th, 2010 at 1:02AM

    Reading makes me happy- even if it is compulsive and I only use it to escape reality. Sleeping has the same affect, especially since I dream so much. Everything is wonderful in my dreams. The smell of Dial soap. You know the regular orange bar kind. It reminds me of my father. Playing with my hair. It may be a nervous habit but it relaxes me. Seeing the stars shining bright in the country sky. Being a city girl, seeing bright stars is almost surreal. Laughing until my stomach aches and tears stream down my face. One moment when I could care less what anyone thinks of me. Finding the perfect pair of jeans. I'm short. I don't like skinny jeans. It's hard. Holding the hand of someone I l… [more]

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  • THAT WAS SO STUPID

    Posted on: June 6th, 2010 at 9:56PM

    i believed someone off of EP. i mean seriously. I started to like this person. LOVE THEM. wtf? whats wrong with me?? he just crushed me, honestly. and in the worst way too- by completely ignoring me. i started to trust this person... i really did. its just so sad wondering why this happened. i thought this person could even give me the courage to break up with that SOB Regis. unfortunately thats not the case and im now stuck clinging to him like a life raft because AT LEAST I CAN COUNT ON HIM TO BE HERE WHEN I NEED HIM. and where is this elusive EP member? idk. he's on yahoo right NOW but won't answer any message i send. i sound crazy don't I? i don't care, this is a little rant. so, to all … [more]

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  • How Do I Break Up?

    Posted on: December 27th, 2013 at 12:30AM

    For the past year now I've been in a relationship with a man that is 11 years older than me, and while that in and of itself isn't a bad thing, his lack of motivation has been pushing me past the breaking point. He is an adult, yet still has no way of supporting himself as he relies on his grandmother to fund his schooling and living expenses and his mother and father for other expenses. I feel like he just mooches off of everyone in his life, including me, and frankly I can't deal with it anymore. I feel smothered. My grades have suffered this past semester because I was too busy having a boyfriend. I know I'm intelligent and I can do better.… [more]

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  • I need Advice

    Posted on: December 27th, 2013 at 11:53PM

    I would really appreciate some advice from you right now. I'm going to try and explain my situation as clearly as possible without going overboard so bear with me if you will. I don't know how to break up with my boyfriend and extricate my personal belongings from his apartment. Some background: I'm currently at university, in my Sophomore year dating a man eleven years my senior, who also attends the same institution as myself. We met over a year ago at a weekend retreat for honors students where he was a counselor. He and I started having an affair, completely sexual at first and with no spoken commitments. We have been "going steady" since last Christmas. He lives on campus and I moved in… [more]

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