FireCoyote 22-25, F
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Root Of All My ProblemsThis is something I have been struggling with my entire life. It wasn't until recently that I discovered that the root of at least a majority of my problems. It has been there since my first me… [more]
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People Complain I'm Insensitive....When in reality, I can't express myself due to my intense fear of rejection and humiliation. Simple as that. I can be able to sometimes (i.e intoxication. I know -- bad), but most of the times, I don'… [more]
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Trusting Someone = Most Difficult Thing. Ever.I don't feel like I can trust anyone around me. It seems to me that people always have some sort of ulterior motive with me. I do not believe that someone truly wants to be my friend. I attribute this… [more]
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I just... want someone to listen... just once.I have been going through a tough time this week with brand new discoveries haunting me all the same. My doctor told me I had HPV. It could become cancer.... I found a label to my disorder. It's codependent.... I don't know if I can do this on my own... I don't know if I can afford a therapist to assist with this, seeing how it's not exactly covered by insurance. I throw myself into things too quickly, and I often feel responsible for everyone and making sure that everyone's okay. That they'll make it out alive. That's what I'm supposed to do.... See to it that they live.... I have never felt so lonely than what I have this week. Or the week before. I don't feel as though there is anyone… [more]
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Dying in AmericaThe lifestyle of the American. Work, buy, consume, Die. What more is there? Oh yeah: egoism, jealousy, rage. Is there anything more to this than just the rabid malice that consumes everyone in day to day life?I am an American. This is who I am. This is how I live. I live in jealousy. I live with the pain of my own ego. It stabs me in the chest and twists the knife further and further into my side. It hurts. Why can't I say no to this knife? Why do I want nothing more than his life to be absolutely ruined? Still? Why? This hurts. And it's only affecting myself. Even seeing his name anywhere is just like, so your life isn't ruined yet? And then there's that evil voice in my head that tells me … [more]
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ArghI work with my friends who are retarded when it comes to business matters. I started this and am carrying all the responsibility. Co-manager my ***. Won't do ****. My ex keeps showing up in my dreams. Not to mention this teeth grinding dreams where I dream I grind my teeth down to pulverized dust. I am looking for another place to live. I got basically kicked out of my place. I am still looking for a job. I have never had a real job since I graduated college. The world lied to me, and I am angry about it. People try to take over my life. **** OFF. Quit telling me what to do. My best guy friend is in love with me and keeps trying to kiss me. He says it's his way of showing affection as a frie… [more]
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This Is Going To Sound Very Conceited....But I need to get this out there to something. Anything. I don't feel like there's anyone I can talk to about this because of the possible reputation I might have to deal with later. So, I'd rather be faceless and anonymous than be staring at someone right in the face and say what I am about to say. I don't mean to sound conceited or narcissistic or egotistical or anything like that. Please don't take me for that kind of person. I'm just... going through a lot right now. Basically... sigh... I don't know how many actual friends I have that don't want me as their significant other. I don't have many female friends, and I know a few of them don't even think those kinds of thoughts. Now would … [more]
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A Letter
Dear ____,I'm simply writing to let you know that I thought seeing you this weekend was an absolute antagonistic approach to me. I was offended you showed up to a place where you knew I was gonna' be and remained in plain sight for me to be reminded of how bad you treated me.You never once listened to me when we were together. And you demonstrated that when I pleaded you to stay away. You said to me, "This is the most painful break up I've had to go through. You're making our friends choose sides. I don't understand why you're doing this. I'm not your douchebag cheating boyfriend from the last state you were in before here. I would have never cheated on you."Wrong.So. Wrong.How could you not… [more]
Comments: 0 Views: 264 Flag
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Breaking Codependency: Pt 2
Good evening everyone. Thanks for coming around. Sorry the doughnuts guy is late again. Friggin doughnuts guy. Anyhow, this is assignment two of the book I am currently reading to break this mentality. 1) is there a problem or a person in your life that you're excessively worried about? Write about that person or problem. After focus on yourself. How are you feeling? What emotions do you have? Yes, there always is. Right now it's one of my friends that I can't stop obsessing over and her meth head "boyfriend". She knows fully well he's cheating on her, has even talked to the girls with whom he's been screwing and she's still with him. She thinks she's getting revenge but not being there e… [more]
Comments: 0 Views: 36 Flag
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I Think I Have Lost Hope
I told the universe I was ready to face my weaknesses.Wow. Just wow.In the past 3 hours I have discovered:1. I'm a hypocrite.2. I have always let others do the thinking for me.3. I have never had the courage to stand up for a lot of things I believe in.4. I am unreliable.5. I have relied on the approval of others to tell me how much I'm worth. Because I could never come up with a figure for myself.6. Yet I rely on no one else to help me out with anything. My pain. My problem. I am too afraid to reach out to anyone unless I feel like I might hurt someone... or myself. And even then it's like pulling my own teeth out whenever I do this. Like I failed myself somehow.7. My intimacy issues are no… [more]
Comments: 0 Views: 195 Flag
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Breaking Codependence: Pt 4
Today's assignment Detail a list of your responsibilities. Now detail those responsibilities of other people in your life. If there are joint ones, share what percentage you think you have in that joint responsibility. Crap. This would be a lot easier if I had two columns to do. My responsibilities: let's start there. Keeping my apartment clean. Making sure I show up to work Keeping my side business in line Keeping my car clean Making sure it remains maintained Cleaning up the dishes that are mine scattered throughout the apartment and which are my roommates. Basically a lot of cleaning Maintaining my health and sanity Knowing what I want to do Staying out of trouble Not speeding … [more]
Comments: 0 Views: 30 Flag
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About Me
I have a lot of quirks and weird things to say. I mumble these day by day to erase the pain of past days.
Member
Since Oct 12, 2011
Occupation
Medicine
Horoscope
Aquarius
Politics
Anarchist
Vices
Drinking, internet, farting around, memes, interrupting
Health Concerns
Paranoid delusional, dangerously low self-esteem, possible schizoid/borderline personality disorder,
Recent Activity
- Last Seen: Last Week on Thursday
- FireCoyote and Pseudo69 became friends 6 days ago
- FireCoyote and Amanda365 became friends 6 days ago
- FireCoyote and SteveHulseyGroove became friends a while ago
- FireCoyote and bv1986 became friends a while ago
