Female , 41-45
Feeling hopeful

I am an open book with blank pages. Some have been erased some have yet to be used. I have been through a life of so many moments that have ended up defining me. I am trying to define myself now. To learn from those moments and find the wonderful me I know I can be. I am looking to support and help others with my experince. I am empathic and also cautious. I give great advice yet not able to follow. Will argue my point but not afraid to admit when I am wrong. I fill my life with pleasures to mask my pain. yet I accept my pain as a part of me.

Last Seen Mar 17
Member Since Feb 27, 2012
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Local Time July 2nd, 1:26 AM

I Am a Victim of Domestic Violence

Lingering Effects I have written many stories. I have shared my pain and hopefully some of you have found some comfort or identify with the issues I have and am facing.  It has been several years since I physically... [more]
flodials has shared 3 Mature Experiences
  • I Got Out of a Relationship With a Narcissist

    Emotional Hostage Compartmentalize.  That's it.  I am a professional Compartmentalizer.  Something to brag about eh?  I was able to go through 20 yrs of life compartmentalizing each day.  Ok so I got through this … [more]
  • I Experienced Racism

    Morals I was 16 in high school living at home with my parents.  My mother was ill.  We didn't know with what yet but knew something was very wrong.  My mother was my everything.  She let me see the kind… [more]
  • I Got Out of a Relationship With a Narcissist

    Predator I sit in shock still to this day of how I ever could have been a victim to that man.  Yes that man.  The one who preys upon the weak and vulnerable women.  Holy crap .........I was told all my life… [more]
  • I Am a Victim of Domestic Violence

    Survivor That's what my social worker tells me when we visit and talk. Your not a victim your a survivor.    I see women who are TRUE survivors.  The ones who survive horrors.  I don't see myself as that.… [more]
  • hypothyroid journey After one week

    Posted on: June 10th, 2013 at 11:54AM

    I have been fighting and dealing with this disease  for the past few years.  I have consistently gained weight even though I have starved myself at times.  Through my own frustration and feeling just not like myself in my own skin I decided to take some proactive steps to regain control of my life.  First this was to recognize that what I was doing was not working.  Even though I had made dietary changes they were obviously not good enough.  I bought a machine to blend my veggies into a drink and have for the past week been experimenting with fruits and veggies to put into the mix.  So far so good.  I had gained 35 pounds in 2 and a bit years since my diagnosis.  Which by the way my doctor's… [more]


  • moment in time

    Posted on: February 29th, 2012 at 8:04PM

    this is a moment caught in timeno one to look toono place to hideleft all my treasuresmy prizes behindemptiness loomsforgiveness won't lasteven the wicked sinswe hide in the pasttempted to failpersuaded by idol pleasureslooking for betteror just something ....ya somethinglesson is learnedpain is revealedwill life every give mewhats worth my endeavoursI now truely see what course I was giventhis moment in time........I keep on reliving… [more]


  • And the beat goes on.

    Posted on: November 1st, 2013 at 2:11PM

    Wonderful wonderful wonderful.  I am feeling this after my work out today.  I had been busy with Halloween so and a Birthday so I didn't have time for 2 days to do one.  Today however I made sure to move it .......oh boy did I.  I am feeling better every time I do some exercise.  My diet has been pushed with the festivities but I am still pretty observant of what I am eating.  I am going for dinner with a friend tonight and I am so excited to get out and talk with her.  I feel my whole outlook is so much more positive.  I still have my lows.  I am still fighting my battles but my journey is not over yet and I am finding more energy to keep on moving.  I was expecting to have gained weight bu… [more]


  • today

    Posted on: March 28th, 2012 at 3:03PM

    I feel tingles all over.  Not the good ones.  That sensation you get when you feel uncomfortable.  My chest feels like I have a 40lbs weight sitting on it. I am trying to find the energy to fight.  I am not willing to give up.  I have reached out to my sister.  I hope she understands.  I don't know though.  Even though my family is close.  Well they are. I am the outcast.  They don't talk about emotions.   A bunch of capricorns.   All good people.  Just well......they have thier own lives as I am told.  Thier own issues.  So I have a bit of hope but maybe it's a relief just to get it off my chest.  I don't know.  I really hope I can understand this head of mine.  It's exhausting. I need to f… [more]