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Female , 18-21
Feeling thoughtful
.

Last Seen 3 days ago
Member Since Feb 13, 2010
Favorite Quote
Heritage
  • 100% Bulgarian
  • and a little Macedonian
Vices emotional, somewhat anti-social
Politics Anarchist
Horoscope Aries
Special day 10-13
Books
Music Within Temptation, Evanescence, Metallica, Poets of the Fall, Breaking Benjamin, Alice Cooper, UnSun, Nickleback
Movies Gladiator, Equilibrium and Leon the Professional (for now)
Local Time October 2nd, 4:43 AM

I Wonder Why You Walked Away And Left Me All Alone

Not Over Yet I wonder why you walked away. It's been three years, and I still wonder why. I have searched for you on those online people finders, and the only thing I know is that you are still alive... [more]
IronLotus has shared 14 Mature Experiences
  • I Had Crush On Teacher

    Unspoken, Unwritten Agreement   I am a senior at my high school. For over a year now, I’ve had a crush on my astronomy teacher from junior year. I am a different kind of girl. Sure, I have my group of… [more]
  • I Had a Teacher Fall In Love With Me

    Not Something I Wanted I actually have two stories about this. Back in my sophomore year I had this English teacher. I didn't talk much back then because I used to be very shy, and so I only had a couple of pe… [more]
  • I Love My Teacher

    Never Say Goodbye So... today was my official last day as a senior. It was also a very sad day for me at school. I do not know how long it is going to take for me to fully move on. I made him a card though.… [more]
  • I Survived Heartbreak

    Finally Over? I just got this feeling today... this feeling of liberation. I am almost too skeptical to believe, but can it really be over? Have I accepted it? I survived heartbreak. From the man that m… [more]
  • Other Confessions

    Just don't belong to Christ
    I was born to a Christian family that keeps all the traditions of the Orthodox. I have celebrated these events by the Christian way for as long as I can remember. But my heart just isn't in this. Before, when I had to pray I used to feel something - some sense of belonging. Now I just don't feel it. I look at an icon and I feel distant... cold. I steer clear of the Bible and I do not talk about Jesus. I do not pray to God. My heart does not belong to Christ, and some see this as betrayal. They tell me that I am letting my religion down... My beliefs. But who are they to tell me this? They don't know the reasons why. They don't know of my beliefs. I am sure that if God is watching, he und… [more]
  • Man oh man

    Posted on: November 18th, 2010 at 7:02PM

    My mind has gone so many places in the past few days; What ifs. Is this true? Are you real? I can't help but think that all this is just a part of your plan. Jason's grand plan for life. And somehow I've caught myself in it - tangled, unable to escape or demystify... A big mess really. There is a room that I can't find. I lie awake, not wanting to close my eyes, because I might dream of you again. I might search for you again, and I'd recall the last time I saw you. The lingering of your touch, the sound of your voice... the yearning in your smile. You said we'd be together. You said we'd be happy. Everything we built together, I thought it stood for something... something more. But there … [more]

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  • Musings

    Posted on: July 26th, 2010 at 6:12PM

    KnightBlade's blogs kind of inspired me into writing this one. It'll be a venting blog mostly, even though I wanted to refrain from it. ************************************** Jason. The meaning of his name is "healer". And he was that, once... a long time ago. It's a sort of paradox, how this healer gave me this scar. The scar that has turned into an open wound, refusing to heal. He left a hole where my heart should be - there is no remedy for that. Now I don't know what's worse - hearing from him again, or the continual silence and distance between us. Jason. The name alone is like salt upon my open wound. Would it have been better, or different if I had never told him what I feel? I gues… [more]

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  • Beating the odds

    Posted on: April 4th, 2011 at 2:49PM

    It's been over 2 weeks since I declared my own personal freedom. It seems that my newly founded liberty is still going strong, despite all those hopeless moments in the past year.I am doing fine. I don't feel like a prisoner to love anymore, and that is what's important. What you see is never what you'll get... that's right. So how does one beat the odds? Well... through a little thing called hope. Not the kind that states "Jason will come around one day, and see what he's been missing". No. It's the kind that says, "There are people out there that are better than Jason. I don't need him to define my happiness any more."Well, that, and the fact that when you get bent too far, you break. And … [more]

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  • To my Ares and my Tao

    Posted on: June 1st, 2010 at 4:27PM

    If I waited long enough, would things change from the way they are now? In a way, the idea of you was the embodiment of what I wished for in my mind. But you love to hold your own. I took your hand to help me stand among a crowd that tried to run me over. I saw you standing there, waiting for someone like me to come along. To be honest, I no longer know what you are to me. Before, with you I was living a fairy tale - but not all fairy tales have a happy ending, do they? I have become more independent since then. I no longer need you to guide every step of my way. You always said that your path goes off into a different direction. But the memory of you still haunts me. Even after all this ti… [more]

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