Female , 18-21
Auckland New Zealand

I have lost the old self. I'm not sure who I am any more. Nobody else has the answer. Where would life lead me to?

Last Seen Aug 20, 2013
Member Since May 13, 2011
Favorite Quote
  • a little American
  • and a little New Zealander
  • and a little German
  • and a little Canadian
Vices Self harm, smoking, popping pills, abusing alcohol, making myself sick
Special day
Local Time September 24th, 3:06 AM

I Am Depressed More Than People Realize

Choices 1. get my degree 2. run away 3. kill myself I can't think of any other options because there are really NONE! [more]
itsallinmyhead has shared 8 Mature Experiences
  • I Was a Rebellious Teen

    So Not A Daddy's Girl Back then I had issues with my parents and hated them a lot. I was hanging out with a bunch of bad boys. We did heaps of wild and disgusting things that you could ever imagine, such as cliff jumping, … [more]
  • I Was Raped

    That Summer It happened when I was 15. I was raped by my "friend" 's brother and his friends. Now I am 18, but I feel like as if it happened yesterday. Those memories have haunted me ever since. I have flashbacks… [more]
  • I Wish Someone Would Kill Me Now

    Kill Me, Please? I don't care. I just want to be dead. Who comes from or can travel to Auckland? Please PM me! … [more]
  • I Have Divorced Parents

    Till Death Do Us Apart My parents are filing for divorce. Mom is from the US while Dad is from New Zealand. Now they ask me to choose between them. Basically, choose between the States and NZ because Mom is going back to th… [more]
  • Health Confessions

    My Craving
    I was feeling very low and thought about cutting myself all day. Even when I was in class, I couldn't focus. When someone in my class asked how I was, I just said that I was fine while I wanted to lock myself up in the toilet and cut up my arm. Just now I carved two of my EP friends' initials in my arm because they give a **** about me. I just couldn't resist the urges. Anyways, it would be better than just meaningless cuts, right?… [more]
  • Offtopic Confessions

    I am a curse.
    Everything that I have been through makes me feel like God hates me and is punishing me. I have thought about suicide a lot. I feel like it is the only solution. The other day, I went to church to confess what I had done. I told Father that I was sinful and asked whether God would forgive me if I confessed a sin that I was going to commit. Father asked what it would be. I said, "I'm going to kill myself. Would I go to hell if I confessed the sin right now?" After a moment of silence, he said "Yes."... Well, I guess it's my fate. I'm convinced that I will kill myself. Not now, but soon. Considering what I have done, I desever to go to hell!! … [more]
  • Blue Saturday

    Posted on: May 20th, 2011 at 10:20PM

    This morning, I went for a walk in a public park nearby the student village (the place where I live). It was raining, so there were only a few people in the park. I was sitting on a bench and watching goose in the lake. I was wet and felt so cold that I started shivering, but I didn't want to leave.I thought that having a walk could make me feel a bit better. I was wrong. I remember staring at the lake and thinking about jumping into it. No one was around, so I would not be saved. I stood up, walked up to the bank, and looked down into the water. It was dark and deep. I heard a voice from the bottom of the lake calling my name and urging me to jump. It ensured me that it would be peaceful...… [more]