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Female , 18-21
Auckland New Zealand

I have lost the old self. I'm not sure who I am any more. Nobody else has the answer. Where would life lead me to?

Last Seen Aug 20, 2013
Member Since May 13, 2011
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Heritage
  • a little American
  • and a little New Zealander
  • and a little German
  • and a little Canadian
Vices Self harm, smoking, popping pills, abusing alcohol, making myself sick
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Local Time November 26th, 8:12 PM

I Am Depressed More Than People Realize

Choices 1. get my degree 2. run away 3. kill myself I can't think of any other options because there are really NONE! [more]
itsallinmyhead has shared 2 Mature Experiences
  • I Was a Rebellious Teen

    So Not A Daddy's Girl Back then I had issues with my parents and hated them a lot. I was hanging out with a bunch of bad boys. We did heaps of wild and disgusting things that you could ever imagine, such as cliff jumping, … [more]
  • I Was Raped

    That Summer It happened when I was 15. I was raped by my "friend" 's brother and his friends. Now I am 18, but I feel like as if it happened yesterday. Those memories have haunted me ever since. I have flashbacks… [more]
  • I Wish Someone Would Kill Me Now

    Kill Me, Please? I don't care. I just want to be dead. Who comes from or can travel to Auckland? Please PM me! … [more]
  • I Hate Myself

    Bad Soul Because I was evil and made heaps of huge and stupid mistakes. The damage that I have done to my loved ones is beyond repair. I can't be forgiven. There were no excuses for what I did. I'm suffering i… [more]
  • Health Confessions

    My Craving
    I was feeling very low and thought about cutting myself all day. Even when I was in class, I couldn't focus. When someone in my class asked how I was, I just said that I was fine while I wanted to lock myself up in the toilet and cut up my arm. Just now I carved two of my EP friends' initials in my arm because they give a **** about me. I just couldn't resist the urges. Anyways, it would be better than just meaningless cuts, right?… [more]
  • Offtopic Confessions

    I am a curse.
    Everything that I have been through makes me feel like God hates me and is punishing me. I have thought about suicide a lot. I feel like it is the only solution. The other day, I went to church to confess what I had done. I told Father that I was sinful and asked whether God would forgive me if I confessed a sin that I was going to commit. Father asked what it would be. I said, "I'm going to kill myself. Would I go to hell if I confessed the sin right now?" After a moment of silence, he said "Yes."... Well, I guess it's my fate. I'm convinced that I will kill myself. Not now, but soon. Considering what I have done, I desever to go to hell!! … [more]
  • Blue Saturday

    Posted on: May 20th, 2011 at 10:20PM

    This morning, I went for a walk in a public park nearby the student village (the place where I live). It was raining, so there were only a few people in the park. I was sitting on a bench and watching goose in the lake. I was wet and felt so cold that I started shivering, but I didn't want to leave.I thought that having a walk could make me feel a bit better. I was wrong. I remember staring at the lake and thinking about jumping into it. No one was around, so I would not be saved. I stood up, walked up to the bank, and looked down into the water. It was dark and deep. I heard a voice from the bottom of the lake calling my name and urging me to jump. It ensured me that it would be peaceful...… [more]

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