jillianlarson2011 18-21, F

I don't like growing up, and instead of being super happy about my birthday, i have to try and be happy looking. i don't want to 18. i got really depressed after my birthday and i was quite a grump on my birthday. I'm still not vary happy like i used to be. this has ben happening for years but it was worse this year. i just don't like my birthday. i just want to yell at the top of my lungs i want people to feel my pain i want to be reckless I want to go WILD!!!!!!!!!!! i want to forget what people think and just do what i want!!!!!!!!… [more]

I have suicidal thoughts ,often. I can normally keep them in the back of my mind with all my other problems. My parents were worried about me because I was depressed ,so they got me a shrink. My parents don't know that I'm suicidal thou ,I think its for the best. But when i get really upset and i feel trapped my suicidal thoughts get out of control . They are out of control right now, that is why I'm writing this. I want to go get one of my dad's guys and shout my self in the head, but i know how bad my death would hurt my family. so I sit here and write, I could call my shrink like she told me to, but I have not had to go see her in months and I don't want anyone( i know) to know my proble… [more]

my friends are lame, i don't go out . i just hide in my goodie two shes shell and let people thing I'm great because i get good grade and don't get into trouble . i look around and my sibling all have lots of friends and great memories of going out with all there friends. i don't have that, my friends are lame and just do school work and can't even spare a moment to text me back i am going to graduate and I'm still going to be a lame virgin with no life, i hate my life. .i hate my life so much that i just want to be done. i want to die and let people remember me as a good kid .that is it. my parents are in Texas on vacation with there friends, my little brother just left with his friends lik… [more]