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Male , 46-50

Last Seen May 20, 2011
Member Since Oct 20, 2009
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I Can't Fight It Any Longer

Depression And Anxiety Had first serious bout of anxiety and depression in my early 20 s ,managed a semblance of functional living until late 20 s ,self medicated with heroin which at least gave me something to get out of... [more]
lezstar has shared 2 Mature Experiences
  • I Love Heroin

    Heroin Cured My Alcoholism Yeah I know I swapped the witch for the ***** but really, my drinking was getting so messy I wanted to die so heroin kinda gave me a reprieve by giving me something to obsess about and want to li… [more]
  • I Want To Help You Feel Less Lonely

    Phd In Loneliness I Am Not Proud Of. Loneliness ,wretched feeling ,especially when it goes on for too long and becomes eccentric but not in a good way but more the 'golem' thing.… [more]
  • I Am In Aa

    Well' Na 'anyway Back in the rooms after a revisit to hell ,seemed to be as ...hellish as ever,thank "God/hp I am back/.# weeks later and I am over the 'honeymoon period' of returning to N.A ,and am now reaching th… [more]
  • I Battle Depression On My Own

    The Chicken And Egg Conundrum I have had all the symptoms and behaviours of depression since my early teens or even earlier.When it lasts this long ( more than 30 years) ,it is such a badly tangled knot of memories and interconnec… [more]
  • Sense of humour snob,my blog revisited,why I am single.

    Posted on: October 20th, 2009 at 3:07PM

    The world is made up of two types of people,those who get 'Family Guy' and "American Dad"and those who don't.It helps if your passably intelligent but the main criteria is to have a healthy irreverence for the social status quo.I don't 'get' people who don't get Family Guy.It seems to me you have a bland, under-developed sense of humour and would definitely not be on my list of people to share a desert island with..........this is what I am talking about,I am so insanely long term isolated from any extended interaction with the world beyond this flat and my own thoughts, I am reduced to banal pop culture observations, rather than actually participating in any 'real life' experiences.The fact… [more]

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  • The loneliest man on the planet.

    Posted on: November 23rd, 2009 at 10:43PM

    I am not saying people have not reached the same depths of loneliness as me,but that my isolation has been more prolonged.(Over twenty years).What few friends I had, have either died or drifted out of my life.Now I just get through life trying to keep my misery manageable rather than histerical.I have not worked for 20 years and am on a disability pension. I try to swim everyday to keep the anxiety at bay but some days it doesn't hold me. This long term isolation has broken my sprit and I drift through life in a state of barely controlled dispair. I am 47 and I don't know what to do.… [more]

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  • An awakening of hope.

    Posted on: January 17th, 2010 at 11:29PM

    I am coming out of a long dark period of anxiety, dispair,and self obsession. The end result for me of these feelings is to stick a needle in my arm. Thanks to N.A , (edited update no longer with NA)I am slowly regaining the strength and hope to overcome this pattern of self abuse. One day at a time ,it is getting stronger, this resolution to turn my life around and thus be there for those I care about.The N,A thing has become a tedious false hope ,collection of cultist cliches ,with no substance other than the basic one of at least being around other humans.I am at a loss as to what to do with my life. The secret is that there is no secret,just do not **** on others do right by others and … [more]

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