lostncali 26-30, F

About a year ago I met a woman online. We flirted and we exchanged numbers from there we became very close. I knew it was dumb but I couldnt help it I was lonely. We would dirty text and then it was, "I wish I could hug you", "I wana hold you hand". It got deeper as time went on. I dont like to say it but I was falling for her. She told me the same and it just got to messy thinking about how I never get to actually be with her. I tried my best to think of her as just a friend but it was way too late for that. I was way over in my head. All I did was think about her! Every day I'd wake up happy and then sad. It hit me hard like a slap in my face. I started to ignore her messages and made her … [more]

I like to make profiles on random websites and flirt with women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've even gave some women my number and we flirted on the phone. I just dont know what this is that I feel. am I really interested? or is it just a thrill? just for fun? cause its so easy? Im starting to think maybe I want more then to just flirt with these women.… [more]

Its never been hard for me to make friends but to keep them is another story. I think Im a pretty cool funny person, Im always there for all the people I care about with whatever. I've trusted many friends with my inner thoughts and whatnot but damn if it didnt make them all runaway from me. or at least thats how it feels to me! and with the really hard things to say, made me feel closer to some but guess it was pointless cause they didnt stick around. It seems for one reason or another most friends I've called my "friends" where just around for a season or a reason their gone! Im starting to think Im not suppose to have friends or something.… [more]

cleanoutput(All my life Ive never really felt I could be myself around anybody. Fear of judgement and not being accepted for who I am. I just think I wish I was somebody else somewhere. All the friends I've ever made never stay around because sooner or later they leave. The only friend I got now is married with kids and doesnt even make an effort to call me. Im always the one calling her. Im not even sure why I stay in contact with her anymore honestly. She didnt even tell me she got married lol I mean come on wtf?! Right? or am I just being dumb. I dont know anymore half the time I wonder why I bother.)… [more]