mariaweeks 46-50, F
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My Ambivalence Towards AaYou know, I go back and forth about AA. I remember a quote from Ghandi: "I love your Christ, I don't like your Christians." Ditto, AA. I love the program, but I'm not really crazy about some of the ol… [more]
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Looking For A Job Is Like A Bad ComedyOkay, I'm a little removed from the work force. Had been a unrepentant slacker for the longest time. But in these tough economic times, being a slacker is just not feasible. I've had no choice b… [more]
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Opiate CravingsI used to love those pills. They made me feel at one with the Universe. My lifetime mood disorder finally cleared up thanks to my friends, tram, oxy, roxi..I became so much more pleasant to be around… [more]
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Best Thing I Ever Did: Long Term TreatmentI was a part-time crack addict years back. Was able to hold down a job, 'cause I was a weekend warrior. But, like clock work, once a month, I'd have these cravings that were so overwhelming--… [more]
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Telling people off--not to their face but in my mindI have this strange way of nursing my resentments, and I wonder if anyone else does this, and what I might try and do about it. Let me give an example: I went to visit this friend (who doesn't have car, and has to rely on the bus) last week which costs me about 10 dollars in gas, and since I'm broke, it was a sacrifice. I used to have money, so I never thought of the price of gas before, and I always used to take her to lunch since she was on a small fixed income. Well, since my financial situation changed, I definitely cannot take her out to lunch anymore, and did relay this to her several months ago... But,when I came over and did not propose a free lunch, things seemed different, alt… [more]
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I'm sick of a lot of my friendsI'm beginning to really not like a lot of my friends. I do not know how to deal with situations in a assertive, healthy way. My usual modus operandi is to put up with and endure, until I finally can't take it anymore and end up volcanically blowing up, much to my friends stupefied shock. A lot of my friends take advantage of me. I know you are all going to say: "Well, it's because you let 'em..." But I have gotten into it with each one of 'em for a variety of reasons, and have honestly conveyed to each one what I would no longer be "willing to do" for them, and they seem to, for awhile, markedly improve. But what invariably happens is when I see them making an effort to stop being … [more]
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Learning to Live With Learning Disabilites...
I was sick yesterday, and had no other option than to plant myself in front of the TV all day blowing my nose, drinking tea, feeling miserable...But not all was lost. I watched a documentary that with deadly accuracy defined what it means to have a learning disablity. I watched with intense interest what learning disabilites are all about, and how it really is a very injust mismoner to even call them that. They had a neurologist on showing brain imaging of an ostensible "normal brain" and that of an "afflicted one." In the former, almost all comprehension takes place in the parietal lobe. Then in the latter type of brain, it showed very little activity happening in the parietal lobe. To make… [more]
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