Male , 46-50

Old guy coming to grips with a f***ed up life.

Last Seen Nov 24, 2014
Member Since Nov 03, 2010
Favorite Quote
  • a little Scottish
Vices drinking; sarcasm;
Special day
Books The Caine Mutiny
Music Christian, Rock, Alt Rock
Local Time May 4th, 8:04 AM

I Am Scottish

I Am Very Scottish On my mother's side, I am descended from pure scottish blood.  We claim the MacKay clan, but we are also linked to the Grants (including Ullysses Grant, distantly) and Walkers.  My legacy goes back... [more]
mikeshan02 has shared 4 Mature Experiences
  • I Was Molested By My Father

    The Dreams Return I was molested by my father at age 7 for the first time.  It continued until I was 9 years old.  I buried that **** for YEARS deep in my psyche; at age 47, after teh death of my mother, sister and b… [more]
  • I Was Molested As a Child

    Flashbacks Keep Coming My father abused me, brutally and with no regret or remorse that I ever saw.I thought it was a few times, and I considered myself to be a bit of a wuss because I seemed to be reacting so s… [more]
  • I Am the Child of An Alcoholic

    Acoa I am an adult child of an alcoholic.  Several of them actually.  My mother, father, and step father were all alcoholics.  They also hung out with alcoholics, so booze was always around.  I can rem… [more]
  • I Met My True Love Over the Internet I was newly single after an 8 year nightmare marriage.  I wanted to find someone, but I am not good at that sort of thing.  Through my job, in January 2001, I won $250.  I used that money, on a lar… [more]
  • Health Confessions

    Since my abuse when I was little, I have increasingly grown unable to feel emotions appropriately and in a "timely" fashion. Things that would make people laugh, cry, shout or sing don't affect me. Then well after the fact, I will note that I missed a very beautiful experience. I get depressed, but I realize I am emotionally blocked, constipated, dissociated, whatever you wanna call it. I have hurt and angered a lot of people over the years because of this.… [more]
  • Health Confessions

    I hate myself
    I know it makes no sense to say, but I cannot stand who I am.  I have engaged in self-loathing and self-doubt for my whole adult life, as far back as I can remember.  I see fear, weakness, moral timidity, and dishonesty when I look in the mirror.  I can rationalize that I can't be as bad as all that, but beyond that moment of rationalization, I am emotional angered by myself all over again.  I can't really understand it, and don't know how to get over it.… [more]
  • Health Confessions

    I am not the morally sound person I would have people believe I am
    I drink to escape; escape the pressures of family, work, getting up, going to bed, recovering from trauma, or just to be numb to myself. I come from a long line of alcohlic abusers. They were addicted to many things, but alcohol was the preferred agent. From a genetic point of view, drinking is like betting my life savings on roulette. Odds are, I would become addicted at some point. Yet I drank, partly because I didn't know any better. It was, after all, the coping mechanism I grew up around. Now it has become a problem because a six pack a week habit became a case a week habit. There were no nights where I wasn't at least a little buzzed. The funny thing is that I have always bee… [more]