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Female , 31-35

Last Seen Oct 12, 2010
Member Since May 19, 2010
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Local Time September 30th, 6:57 AM

I Want to Quit Smoking

I Am Really Trying... I want to be smoke free.. I am trying hard.. but every time I get close to a pack I smoke. I am really disappointed in my self today. I went nearly all day yesterday without one until I got home... [more]
  • I Am Here For Anyone Who Needs a Friend

    I Am Here. I love to help people. I love to listen and talk. This is me.  I am not someone who will chase you down and beg for friendship. I wait for you to reach out. Tell me your story. Share with m… [more]
  • I Had a Hysterectomy

    Feb. 01, 2010 I got mine. I was scared, more because I was more prepared for the negative side effects. I had MANY people telling me about how horrible they felt afterwards. That day the nurses and doctors warned m… [more]
  • I Lost Someone To Suicide

    I Can't Let Go. Sunday March 21 2010. A day that is forever etched into my brain. My niece had spent part of the week with me and we had so much fun together... she is my mini me. Her mom picked her up and life went … [more]
  • I Hate When People Have Children But Don't Want To Be Parents

    I Will Never Understand. How anyone could NOT love being a parent. It is a hard, 24/7 job.. but is the most rewarding job. I love being a mom.. I love watching my children become their own little person.. I love watching HOW … [more]
  • It's time.

    Posted on: June 26th, 2010 at 9:12AM

    Last night I was mentally done for, honestly ready to give up. I have been feeling like I am being pulled in a million directions all at once, the smallest of all is where I want to go and what I want and who I want to be. I have been living trying to make everyone around me happy.. neglecting my own well being. I feel like I have spent the past few months living in a shell. There are so many things I need to be and do for others.. but I forget that I need to do for me as well. I only mourn the loss of my nephew in small doses... I know most don't really want to know how deeply hurt and disturbed I am by this loss. I try so hard to hide the pain and anger over it all. I am mad as hell that … [more]

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  • Up hill.

    Posted on: June 20th, 2010 at 9:07AM

    I wake up and hope for a good day everyday. I try to be happy. I am trying to heal. Weather I show it or not I am still hurting over the loss of my nephew. I always wanted to be an aunt like I had. I wanted my house to be a happy safe place for them to talk and know without a doubt that they are loved... I failed. He didn't know that I loved him and would have done anything for him. I guess thats because I didn't want interrupt his life, I thought he was happy. I was wrong. I see a picture of him and my heart sinks, I feel the sting of tears starting to build in my eyes. It's hard to breathe. I doubt the pain will ever stop. When I talk to my sister I have a hard time talking about it all..… [more]

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  • I miss you still...

    Posted on: May 31st, 2010 at 9:41AM

    It is amazing how one simple song can bring on a flood of tears. I lose my breath every time I think of you. Thoughts wander to the night the world lost you. I wonder if you were crying.. I wonder if you were scared.. I wonder if you are okay now, where you are. I think about you all the time.. some days and nights are almost unbearable with grief and thoughts of you and that night. I try only remembering good times and happy things but that one night takes over and I lose the good in all the pain. I close my eyes and wish for you to be back again but I know I am wishing in vain... You are never coming back. I feel like I could have been more and maybe you would have known how loved you trul… [more]

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  • Dear sister,

    Posted on: August 24th, 2010 at 11:00AM

    I want to tell you this face to face but I just know that will never happen. What I have to say is painful for me and I am uncertain if you will care or not. You stop talking to me regularly, I never know why. I am assuming a few things. First you blame me for the way life was. Well grow up and get over it. I lived the same life you did. I never asked to be born and honestly regret it everyday... I always had someone telling me it was my fault, or mom chose you, or so many other things that I often times wish I had died or never been born. She "chose" me because she has no other choice at this time in her life. And I am reminded that my children and I are the only things she has to live fo… [more]

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