QuixoticKidEternity 31-35

I guess I'm not as strong as I "think" I am or would like to be. I believe I nearly had a nervous breakdown. Mental illness runs in my family, & I wouldn't be the first to be hospitalized for one. I was in the hospital for a little over four days though (from nearly poisoning myself). "Passive suicidal," I guess. I was just so messed up, I didn't care what chemicals or meds I was consuming, & coupled with needing to see a dentist, a podiatrist, chiropracter, & my family doc for different ailments. I was one "hurting unit". I just needed to cut myself off from humanity for a while. I felt I had too much to shoulder...… [more]

I couldn't think of where else to put this, so it goes here. My Father's real God is money. It saddens me because he's an ordained Christian minister. I say his God is money based on the word religious. By definition, something done religiously is done often or constantly as part of a necessity to life. Yes, my father constantly studies the Bible but not to live. Everyday, he's looking for ways to pinch a penny. He collects cans. He trolls for coins. He looks for bargains. He refuses to buy anything name brand. When I was a child I never recieved the proper health care because it was too expensive (which has led to progressive ailments I am only now getting taken care of). I've never gone cl… [more]

I feel so alone so often. I enjoy being online & sharing etc. But I'm so depressed when I'm off. I end up spending time in things that don't interest me or in phone conversations I don't want just for attention. I have two roommates I seem to have out grown. I still enjoy reading or a few TV shows. But it's not the same. There's no one around me that shares even slightly any of my interests. Everything feels empty unless someone is enjoying it with me. It's the worst when I try to sleep. I'm not used to sleeping alone in any way. I've had a steady intimate girlfriend for as long as I've been dating essentially. I was married. I haven't had any real intimacy for 7 months or so. I feel like t… [more]