Male , 18-21

I am the "absentminded professor" living in my own world often oblivious to my surroundings. I react to things outside this scope of reality too often without thinking them through and submit myself to embarrassment... While happy within the comfortable regions of my subconscious, I am prone to anxiety if I stretch myself. These realizations are sadly quite fresh due to the fact that I have been oblivious most of my life. Perhaps there's still time to correct some of these shortcomings. Maybe then I can live (life as it should be).

9/5/10 I am robotic yet self aware. Or is this awareness a false belief within a web of ignorance?

Last Seen Dec 2, 2012
Member Since Sep 02, 2010
Favorite Quote
Special day
Books good scifi (too many to list..), books on science (namely biology: genome, survival of the fittest, red queen, etc...)
Music Isis, Mastodon, Metric ,The Posies, Air
Local Time July 2nd, 12:49 AM

I Don't Fear Death

As A Biologist I laugh at it! I mean we're just organic machines trapped on one side of the entropic equation...Our insignificance is actually rather refreshing to me. Live and let die! [more]
realitycheck5 has shared 1 Mature Experience
  • I Feel Like I'm Losing My Mind

    Uncontrolled Inertia Flying sideways as always the internal monologue pulls and twists me in that particular perpendicular shifting sly direction continuously, incessantly, forever along until oblivion. … [more]
  • I Have No Friends

    Me Neither I had some what could call close friends but I've suffered from depression and anxiety for so long I was more or less absent tee, basically a hermit. I just suffered my first psychotic episode and I f… [more]
  • I Have a Cluttered Mind and Am Lost In the Fog

    Simple Epiphany It was a fairly clear night and a meteor shower was taking place. I climbed onto the roof via the far left support beam on the lanai. The wind was blowing ferociously as it always does on the North Sh… [more]
  • I Am Paranoid

    Afraid To Leave Room I'm afraid to leave my room...My room depresses me. Damn… [more]
  • Old Log 1/14/11

    Posted on: January 29th, 2011 at 12:02AM

    FLOOD: (stream of consciousness) Paranoia still hangs around the fringes of my torn thoughts and mental structures. It is a recurring phantom that brings fear and despair. I often invoke it with actions and mindsets of mine like that of today, and don't have defensive ways of dealing with it (thus the problems I face and the things I am doing wrong). I need some defensive capability to guard these fragile deep structures of life and well being, for they are in a constant state of unhealthy turmoil in which growth and prosperity is a near impossibility and far off dream. I lack motivation constantly. At the moment certainly, due to adderral withdrawal and the day's horrible ending. The first… [more]


  • 9/25/11

    Posted on: October 3rd, 2011 at 12:23AM

      "Life is short, so learn from your mistakes/ and stand behind the choices that you make/face each day with both eyes open wide"   The mind is like a combustion engine, full of extaordinary potential energy, yet neutral until sparked by some outside force. If you blunt the outside world then the stimuli sparkplugs of life may lose their ability. It is therefore, my current goal at the moment to understand what sparks my ignition and adversely, what blunts its kindling flames.   I feel as if music has a strong hold upon my mind, at least emotionally and the arts by extension...I need to connect, to express myself though this medium, which often arises in the form of words more often th… [more]


  • My Social Mind: A Perspective

    Posted on: September 19th, 2010 at 11:18AM

    I'm somewhat of a one-way street when it comes to life sometimes. I go down a path without looking at the road signs...whether it be in conversation, while walking around this crazy world, or in my quiet solitude, deep in thought. Actually, this road is more like a tunnel, in which I sink from the level of consciousness we use as a standard medium into something else. In conversation for example I don't pick up body language and signals and often don't think about what the person said to a deep enough level to respond correctly. Or is it that I think of all available responses and blurt out the most disparate, un-cohesive response? I find talking difficult. I don't know if this is self infli… [more]


  • i am going batshit insane

    Posted on: September 26th, 2010 at 4:23PM

    If this isn't agoraphobia I don't know what is. I have transgressed from my state of self conscious awkwardness to real fear and supreme isolation. I may be talking to you face to face but in reality I am light-years away, unable to string my vocal chords and unsoluable thoughts. This writing when analzyed may show the current state of my neurons like the later writing of that one bronte sister. I am untethered from reality and it is really quite frightening. The limitless horizons of insanity (or should I say higher consciousness) are a terror and euphoric. I am balancing on a thin line above the landscape of reality. Maybe this writing is all hogwash but I believe it is the stuff of creati… [more]