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Male , 41-45

Last Seen Nov 30
Member Since Nov 05, 2011
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Heritage
  • a little Thai
Vices Cheater & Beaters. My cat jumping on my keyboard when I am trying to type
Politics
Horoscope Virgo
Special day
Books Too many to mention
Music All
Movies too many on this one too...maybe later
Local Time December 28th, 11:40 AM

I Love

Updated-02-21-2013---in A Hole---almost Out---i Still Love, But Mostly Myself. Updated-02/21/2013 Not sure where to start, last time I was here I was a mess. I was in a deep hole and could not find my way out…and it got deeper and deeper every day. I... [more]
  • I Love the Beach

    My Bliss I love the beach. I have, ever since I was a kid growing up in central Germany. Its funny becuase back then I was a beach bum and there was no beach around. Now I live right next to the… [more]
  • I Am a Romantic

    My First Date....ok...not Really A Date...and Not Really My First, But It Is Close. Confession 11/14/11Today was really cool.  I spent the day at the park riding my bike and running like a madman.   I was sweat and smelled like a nasty sock.   This woman comes up and… [more]
  • I Love the Beach

    Beach And Rain I just got back from the beach. It is raining outside. Three of my favorite things combined to make a perfect night for me. The night, rain and the beach. Tonight when I got off, I was … [more]
  • I Am Looking For My Soulmate

    My Soulmate? I would love to find my soul mate. I thought I had found her but I was horribly wrong. Soul mates do not treat one another the way she treats me, but that is another story. I do feel in my he… [more]
  • Other Confessions

    Thank you Experience Project
    I joined yesterday becuase I was in a really really bad place.  I was lonely and depressed. I did not think anyone would read or care about what I had to say, but I figured it would be a good place to just vent what was on my mind.I was wrong.  I posted a couple of things last night and by this morning I had some nice responces and advice.  What suprized me the most was that they understood what I was feeling and wrote what they thought.   Then I was even more suprized because all of a sudden I did not feel alone anymore.   I am still loney for a human to be near me, but I do not feel alone.  I feel like part of a group that helps each other and gives each other support.   This is what I hav… [more]
  • Other Confessions

    12/18/11-- Still Lost
    Yep, still lost.  I thought things would be well by now.  I was wrong.  I am alot better than where I was a couple a months ago, but I still feel like there is a void in my soul.   I am not sure what the void is.  I know it is not my ex, because I am sure I hate her at the moment.   Yes...she is still playing mind games.  I have tried to ignore it, but it is not working.I feel like there has to be more to life than what I am going though right now.  I know that it it supposed to get better with time, I am just not sure when and how.  I feel really good when I am on my bike and able to enjoy being outdoors.  but I still feel lonely when I have to come home and be alone with no one to talk to.… [more]
  • Other Confessions

    12/14/2011--my thoughts of the war within me
    Enjoying the small thingsSo here I sit, alone in an office, thinking about how to deal with the holidays.  For me there is no celebration this year.  I will be alone.  I will probably just try to work to keep my mind busy and not have to think about how alone I am.  Last week, I did meet some people and they invited me to their new years eve party, but I do not see the point.  I do not want to end up standing there, in a crowd of people, yet still alone.  My peers are trying to make me go, but I tell them, when the ball drops, I do not want to have to stand there and watch everyone kiss and be happy.   Starting out the new year depressed is not something I want to do. I was also told that I … [more]
  • Other Confessions

    Letting go
    I need to learn how to let go.  I thought i did, but i guess I did  not.   Otherwise, I would not get as angry as I do.   I am not sure why...but i do.I do not like feeling this way, becuase I cannot focus on anything when i am like this.   I have done everything i could think of.  My friends say, just give it time.   I do not have time.  I want to move on with my life and not sit here thinking about her.   She is not thinking of me, so why do i think of her.  Any tips would be helpful.   I have gone though the book and nothing seems to be working.… [more]
  • Toxic people are draining

    Posted on: November 18th, 2011 at 8:36AM

    I woke up this morning at 5.  Tired and wore out.   I have tons of homework to do and all I can do is walk around the house in circles because I cannot focus. It is unfortunate.  She still gets to me and knows how to push my buttons.   I feel that It is ridiculious that I still feel this way becuase we broke up back in the begining of September.   I think I would feel different if I had someone with me now, but I know that would only be a band aid for the pain I feel and that the next person would have to deal with my baggage making me Toxic to her. Before all this, I have never heard the term "toxic person".   Now, I hear it all the time and actually think about it.  What I have learned ab… [more]

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  • Thinking of why I am alone 01/14/2012

    Posted on: January 14th, 2012 at 9:03PM

     01/14/2012Being alone and not having anyone to lean on when you need someone is a bad place to be.  At least it is for me.  I do not mind being alone sometimes, but being alone all the time is mind numbing. I have made some friends online at EP and FB, but online friends are not a substitute for the human factor.  It’s just nice to be able to walk and talk with someone.  To be able to see their reaction when you say something to them.  I do laugh and have a good time chatting with friends online, but again.  It is not the same thing.I would love to be able to call someone and say, let’s go to the beach or go out and do something.  It would be nice to have someone come over just to hang out.… [more]

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  • 11/30/11 Journey Entry

    Posted on: November 30th, 2011 at 7:20AM

    Things have been moving really quick, too quick.   I went from being depressed and a self imposed exile from everyone to getting involved with a running conventions, working with nonprofit organizations and actually meeting people I can potentially date.Work has still been tough.   I am trying to figure out if I am just being paranoid or if I really am being railroaded.   All the signs are there that they will be giving me my walking papers.   I have seen them get rid of people before and their actions lead me to believe that I am next.  I still go in and do my work.  I also still go in on my days off to help the people who work for me, without t getting paid.   I will not go in to help her … [more]

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  • My bad place

    Posted on: November 17th, 2011 at 6:50PM

    I was fine last weekend.  I felt like things were getting better for me.  Yesterday, I find out that I am training my replacement this weekend and that I may be losing my job.   I feel like I have been hit with a ton of bricks.  I have never had regrets because I have always felt that you can learn something from any event.I now have my frist regret.   Although I still love her, I regret the day that I ever met her.Each day she finds someway to tear me down...then later laughs at it.   I do not like this place I am at now.   I thought this was over last month.   But it is not.I did not know that women could be so vengful and hurtful.  i know not all women are like that, but honestly, at this… [more]

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