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Getting To Know My Long Lost FatherMy father abandoned me when I was still a baby. My mother never hid the truth from me, I've always known who he is and have even seen pictures of him. I've told myself for years that I want nothing to do with him. But lately I can't help thinking about him. What would he do if he knew me?I spoke to him in the past, online. My mother made me stop because it was upsetting her, and she was upsetting me. Demanding to read everything we wrote to each other and sending him threatening messages. I was too busy trying to keep her calm that I felt I wasn't able to experience speaking to my biological father. I'm thinking of getting back in touch with him--privately. But I'm afraid he won't like who I… [more]
The Switch Is StuckI can't shut my feelings down. I used to be able to mute them when they were getting painful like this. But I can't now. I feel like I might have depression. I can't muster up the will to get any real work done, then hate myself for not doing anything. I'm cut off from my friends, I'm alone all the time. I feel empty and pathetic. I actually feel more pathetic for writing this. For letting people see how hollow my life is. I can't shut down the feelings I have for a boy in my class. But he seems to want nothing to do with me. Maybe he sees how pathetic I am and is staying out of it. I can understand. … [more]