Female , 26-30
Feeling hopeful
Just some grad school stuff.

I'm a good person. I try to treat people the way that I want to be treated. I try to be respectful of everyone, and I try to see and act on things from a logical point of view. I try not to act on impulse or let my emotions get the better of me.. basically I have a lot of patience.

My life sucks a lot. I've gone through way too much, and I often wonder when I am going I am going to get the chance to breathe a breath of relief. Nothing goes the way I hope. In general I think I am a good person, but I constantly get screwed in everything. I'm sick of living my life. I wish I would die.

The worst thing to happen to me recently, is that I was pregnant, and I gave birth too early at 5 and a half months. My daughter did not survive and she passed away. I miss her a lot, and I wish so bad she was still with me.

I don't know what to do with my life now because I thought that in a few months I'd have a daughter to take care of. But now I have nothing. In the Spring I am going back to school because I don't know what else to do. I want to have another baby, but I can't see myself doing that anytime soon.. the only baby I want is my daughter, Alana. And I know I can't have her.

Last Seen Sep 14, 2013
Member Since Oct 18, 2007
Favorite Quote Chic? I could never be chic. - Sid Vicious
  • a little Puerto Rican
  • and a little Dominican (Dominican Republic)
Vices I'm a good girl.. sometimes
Politics Moderate
Horoscope Aquarius
Special day
Books I Am Legend, Take A Walk On The Dark Side, The Legend of Sleepy Hallow, Guide to Getting It On, Beautiful Death
Music Norma Jean, At the Drive-In, He Is Legend, Emery, Kiss KIss, Stars, Killswitch Engage, Soasin, As I Lay Dying, Every Time I Die, Mr. Bungle, Muse, As Cities Burn, Anberlin, Sublime, Voodoo Glow Skulls
Movies Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead, Saw, Requiem For a Dream, Troy, Kingdom of Heaven, Little Miss Sunshine, Old School, Sleepy Hallow, From Hell, Quills
Local Time May 23rd, 1:23 AM

I Don't Like September Any More

She'll Celebrate In Heaven Next Thursday will be my little girls first birthday. We won't have a party that all of our friends and family will come to celebrate. Instead I will go to the cemetery to lay flowers and bring a... [more]
sweetnightmare has shared 1 Mature Experience
  • I Have Lost My Baby

    My Princess Lives In My Heart On September 24th, I had my monthly prenatal appointment. I told the doctor of symptoms I had that I was worried about. My doctor just told me everything was fine. The next day, my baby was born. I… [more]
  • I Have Herpes

    It Was the Last Thing I Thought It Would Be Last year in the spring into the summer, I had gotten very sick. I always felt like I had no energy, I felt like I had the flu, I had a really bad cough, and eventually a very high fever that was a… [more]
  • I Have Lost My Faith In God

    WTF!? I've giving up on God. This basically steamed from the recent death of my baby girl. While I was pregnant I made sure to have extra faith and put all my worries in God's hands. Because I was worried a… [more]
  • I Have Tattoos

    More to Come I have 5 tattoos. One on my left arm of a Chi-Rho (two letter for the word Christ in greek) symbol with ivies wrapped all around. I have another on my right calf of a Fluer de Lys (version of the holy… [more]
  • Venting Confessions

    No one thinks that I am a...
    No one thinks that I am a mom. I gave birth too early in September and my baby girl passed away shortly after birth. I am pregnant again, and today is mother's day. No one except my husband told me happy mother's day. He was going to take me out, but then he brother called and said their mom wanted to be taken out so he is now out with them and I am home by myself. I guess no one really thinks of me as a mom even though I have a daughter, and a new baby on the way. I don't count because my daughter passed away, and because I haven't given birth yet to this one. I think I am a mom. I have a daughter, and this baby and I am their mother. But as mom's go, I'm in the bottom of the barrel. … [more]
  • Friends Confessions

    Since I had my daughter..
    My friends don't hang out with me anymore. I am pretty much the only one with a baby and the only other friend that does have one, we don't talk as much after having a falling out 2 years ago (we'll never be close again, she destoryed our friendship forever). My other friend is too busy with all the new friends she has at church. I'm kinda lonely.… [more]
  • School Confessions

    I think that I finally figured out the career I should have. I think I want to be a photographer. One photography class and I am in love with it. It's awesome. I can't wait to get in the field but I hope I am not too old (27). I'm excited! Only a year and half to go to get my B.A. and for the first time, I know I am going to be happy with the path I've choosen.… [more]
  • School Confessions

    I ******* hate art school...
    I ******* hate art school. I started my first semester at the Pratt Institute. I'm still very deep in grief after the loss of my baby girl. While in my Light and Color Design class, I was drawing two stupid metal chairs. I thought to myself, THIS IS THE MOST POINTLESS THING EVER! This is ******* stupid, I SHOULD be taking care of my beautiful baby girl right now, not draw ******* chairs. There is no purpose in what I am doing. My talent is going to waste. I don't give a damn about college anymore. I HATE my ******* life. What the **** is the point of my life? It's going no where.… [more]