- a little Irish
- and a little Canadian
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Once, It Almost Got Me FiredWhen putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs. I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking … [more]
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My story...Part oneI lost my parents to a road accident when I was very young and was turned over to foster care just after my first birthday. I was eventually adopted by a couple who had no children, and wan… [more]
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I want to hug someoneI have this urge to take care of someone today. I've been having a rotten month but some amazing people around here have held me together out of the goodness of their hearts. I want to give some back. xx … [more]
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Nose PickersAlthough it is rather horrible to watch, I kind of understand the people who might quickly pick their nose in the car, thinking no one is looking. I mean, sometimes it's necessary and you just don't have a kleenex...I guess. What I do NOT understand is the guy who just sat across from me in the boardroom with his finger jammed up his nose to the second knuckle. Helloooo? Do you think we can't SEE you? I sat there horrified, openly staring until he met my glance and slowly withdrew his finger, casually wiping it on the chair. The CHAIR. Are we gradeschool? Holy god....… [more]
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I don't know why it matters so muchMy ex ditched me one evening on the phone and dropped out of my life. I wrote him, called him, send him email. I appealed to his logic and to his heart...I was shattered to have been left that way, especially by someone who claimed to love me. After he left he decided that I had been cheating on him the entire time we were together. He's also decided to invent me a meth habit so he can condescendingly tsk tsk me from afar for being so reckless with my life. Neither could be further from the truth and he knows it.The point is, it's over. I don't want him anywhere near me, however, I'm getting hung up on the lies he fed himself so he'd have a decent excuse to leave. How do I make it not … [more]
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Really now...I'm not all that great...just ask my ex...he'll happily regale you with stories of how I mistreated him. Please don't tell me you *love* me within weeks of meeting me. I know you really don't....and honestly? It's just getting insulting. I'm not your soul mate. Just so you know. … [more]
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Something is wrong
You know how you can just *tell* something is wrong but you can't define exactly what? That's where I am today. I'm used to random symptoms getting me...exhaustion that lasts so long I can't seem to stop sleeping, weird tremors in my hands, arms and legs. Blinding headaches, strange aches and pains...nightmares, issues issues issues. This one is kinda bugging me though. Yesterday, I had a drink of water from my fridge at home (bottled), Right afterwards, I felt like I had water on my lip (like I had a big glass and drank it like a toddler, coating my upper lip). I wiped my face but it wasn't wet at all, of course, as I had just taken a drink from a bottle. I thought nothing of it. L… [more]
Comments: 15 Views: 2413 Flag
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Fails
I was doing well. I saw the rheumatologist - she dismissed me...I took it all back into my own hands. I've had enough of the medical testing. It's done..what's left over is this:Depression - unrelated, says theySleep troubles - nightmares, constant waking, constant dreamsPTSD - working through...long process, apparentlyPain. Now there's pain in my joints (all of them) that makes me feel like they are about to 'blow out' all the time. If I crouch down, my ankles, knees and hips feel like they're about to roll right out of socket. If I try to open a jar, my fingers, wrists, elbows and shoulders do the same...however...there's a different, and separate pain in there too. My back. Right a… [more]
Comments: 12 Views: 2672 Flag
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Test results are in...
Holding breath...nerves, nerves, nerves...terrifiiiiiiiiied!! Ok. I have my appointment today. I've done well not getting wrapped up in it...took the blood tests, let it go..breathed it away...four weeks to wait for results, no reason to get all anxious about it right? right. Well I was all good up until about 30 min ago. I have to leave in about 20 min to go and get my test results. God I'm scared. I hate doing this. I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of...finding out that I have something bad...or finding out that they still don't know what it is. If they don't know what it is, I swear, I'm going to cry. I can't hear those words again...six years of this. :S So much is hanging … [more]
Comments: 9 Views: 2385 Flag
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Internal thunder
I swear I can hear it inside me...there's a rolling thunder in there just before the pain swells. It never *quite* goes away, the pain...well, untrue. Sometimes parts of it go...the nerve pain is calm this afternoon but I can feel it in my bones. The individual ribs, my collar bones, sternum, shoulders back, neck... I am fully medicated and still feeling this way. I have a headache. It seems clinically impossible that I could have a headache with this amount of pain killer in me, but, it's true. I will actually have to take some advil on top of my medley of pain killers to find some relief. This is stupid and frustrating. I wish I could find a way to ignore my entire torso for a day o… [more]
Comments: 7 Views: 696 Flag
