Female , 16-17
17. an artist/writer. Crazy about Chris Brown. I LOATHE food and would much rather die than eat.
Been anorexic for 11 years and still fighting 'cause I never give up.
Willing to be a shoulder to lean on for anyone who needs me!
Last Seen Feb 1
Member Since Oct 11, 2011
Special day 2-16
Profile Whiteboard Recent Activity 49 Stories 176 Experiences 16 Friends 5 Photos 9 Confessions 8 Questions Trophies
One Of Many, Not The First Or The Last. My Most Visible Flaw. My Constant Pain. It's on my neck. It resembles a crimson puckered smiley mouth (without the eyes) and makes it look as though my head was stitched to my neck at this point. Time has faded the scar. Pain makes it burn... [more]
Timeline It started off when I was six; I stopped eating as much and would often struggle to sleep despite my growling gut. No one noticed it 'she's just hit a growth spurt and is getting tall and skinny'. … [more]
16/5/12 :"( Rip Perry Williams! I Can't Stop Crying We 'dated' for six months. Perry was tall, broad shouldered, green/brown eyed, South African and athletic. He was popular amongst the girls for his stunning looks and dimples. He was four years older … [more]
...and It's Killing Me But I Can't Stop. So Scared. Please Help Me. Please. Ok this is going to have to be short because I feel too tired to write and my hands are numb. I'm actually scared now. I can feel my body shutting down bit by bit but I still find myself pushing mysel… [more]
Struggle I fight hard everyday. I force myself to smile, laugh and live but on the inside I'm dead. I lie, I cheat and I get through thinking no one'll ever know but then it's suddenly time to close the door a… [more]
One dayOne day I want my parents to forgive me for not being perfect. One day I want my parents to acknowledge my existence. One day I want my parents to stop torturing me psychologically, verbally and physically. One day I want to be part of a joyous happy family with parents who actually love me. One day I want to be held when I cry. One day I want to stop cutting myself. One day I want to face food with no fear. One day I want to be thin enough to vanish. One day I want to control my depression. One day I want to love and be loved. One day I want a proper job. One day I want someone who loves me for me. One day I want to be understood. One day I want to start smiling again. One day… [more]
Hmmm :/I talked before about the emotional roller coaster I have become. My emotions flowing swiftly through :D :) :/ :| ): D: in just seconds. Mostly I'm stuck at D: and then a sudden jolt of inspiration sends me into the clouds with my imagination and I start work on 'incredible but demonic' (how other people describe it) artwork. I work feverishly days and nights. I don't have to sleep, my speed is rapid and my ideas are an unstoppable train.....and then the tide of joy ebs as my drawing comes to an end. I sink from :D head first into D: for days the low consumes me, turns my world dark and holds me captive. Hallucinations, fatigue, loss of confidence, unstoppable tears, suicidal thoughts and fe… [more]
:/My parents made it pretty obvious to both me and my elder brother that we were unwanted and only my two younger brothers were important quite some time ago. I spent from the age of four to nine seeing my brother like a parent, later (until his death) I was constantly secretly visiting him when my mum didn't know because he had run away. On his funeral my mum cried not because of the loss of her son but because she was scared what people would say or think. Since then she's been treating me like a shadow, I often try to join in the joyous family conversations but everyone ignores anything I say. When I leave home I make it a point to say 'I love you mum!' And she doesn't respond. She treats m… [more]
Fear?What is fear? I don't feel it even after watching countless horror movies in one night. I won't feel it even if you tie me, blindfold me and abandon me in a desolate forest. What is fear I would like to uncover the truth about it....sometimes I wish I felt it, maybe then I wouldn't be so willing to take risks and my parents would accept me without thinking I was possessed. Maybe life would actually make sense to me. What is fear I don't know. What do I know? I know I deserve to be punished...what for? I don't know. It hurts me seeing anyone in even the slightest pain, troubles me so deeply that I feel broken. Yet I can't feel fear no matter how hate I try. All I do feel is the pain inside me… [more]