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The consequences of a sheltered life...

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on May 11th, 2009 at 12:13 PM


I am 20 years old and I am engaged to a soldier who I have dated for a few years. I grew up so sheltered. I wasn't even allowed to go out with friends until I was 18. I dated a guy who was three years older than me for a couple months and although we really liked each other he went to college and we broke things off, although we did hang out together as friends after that. Then  at 18 when I finally had the freedom to go out,  I ended up hanging out with a bunch of guys and was taken advantage of by one. Then I went straight from that into dating my fiance and we've been together ever since. I am still so young, and honestly I feel so tamed and caged and miserable. I still don't have my license, I depend on others for everything. I need more independence. I actually made a huge mistake, talking to another soldier about advice for my problems with my own fiance and I ended up developing feelings for him. I told my fiance and ended up breaking off all connections to the other soldier but I feel terrible, I hurt them both and I am scarred myself. I feel like I'm developing an ulcer from the stress, I can't eat or sleep really. I try to forget the other guy but I can't I hope that I can, its only been a few days. I feel terrible for cutting him out of my life though. I wish we never met, things would have been so much better for everyone. But also I am scared. I will never be a cheater. But I am worried that I won't be happy if I get married so soon. I wish that I had dated more before I met my fiance. I still am so sheltered I feel like i'm going to explode, I don't want to turn into a bad person I'm just sick of being over protected and incapable of making my own decisions. Being so insecure and so dependent on others that without them I don't know how I could make it. I want to be more independent and less sheltered, without losing my fiance. I feel so confused, I want to be free but I also want to have my fiance. I just need to get out of this house and this town :(

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4 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Posted by An EP User on May 11th, 2009 at 2:09 PM

    YOU'RE 20 YEARS OLD!!! You should be going to parties and hanging out with friends and making out with random guys every once in awhile You are no where near ready to be married. I'm not saying go out and become a huge **** but go have some fun.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  2. freaking - 26-30 years old

    Posted by freaking on

    hi there! I am almost sure that u r Asian. Right? Most likely India or may b liberal Paki.
    I can understand what you r going through at present. I think right way to tackle with this to keep urself happy. Look in to a mirror... smile ..now say to urself "how gud I look" kind of stuff. Ultimately u cant pursue ur thought of happiness rather u can be happy in watever u r doing. Blv me sleeping around won't make u happy if ur nature is "not to b happy". I hope I do make sense!! :) Gud luck honey!!

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  3. stilltuna1969 - 41-45 years old - male

    Posted by stilltuna1969 on

    Dear Young Women:

    You are probably entirely too young to get married, particularly given the fact that you have had so little experience with life. However, it sounds like you think that the only way for you to gain independence is to get married. That will not work. Independence and growing up is something you have to do for yourself you can't marry into it. In fact, marriages tend to go the smoothest when both parties have grown up, feel independent, and enter into the union from a place of strength rather than a place of weakness. At the same time, don't feel as if your predicament is all your fault. A lot of what is happening to you is the natural result of the fact that you were so sheltered in growing up. I have no doubt that those that raised you likely thought they were doing the best for you, and had yur best interests at heart. Still, at 20 you have a lot of growing to do..on your own. If you can speak from your heart to soomeone you can trust in your family it would be helpful to you. Attempt to get their suport for your gaining independence gradually. Speak to you fiance and try to makethem understand that you are neither ready to marry or co-habitate yet. If you can not get a strongly supportive person from within your own family, perhaps find a minister, or counselor, or a therapist, or a somewhat older female friend who is independent herself, and who can be supportive of you. Once that is accomplished, sit with yourslef and ask yur self just what you want to do in your life. Then take steps to work towards it. A very wise man once said something to me that i never forgot and have profitted by. it goes like this. "The two most important questions a person must ask themself are: (1) Where do I want to go in life? (2) Who do I want to accompany me" And God help them if they answer those two questions in the wrong order." You are a very perceptive and decent young woman, and so I know you understand the meaning and power of the quote. Think about it long and hard. Even pray on it, if you like to pray. I have no doubt that you will come up with the right solution. I don't know you, but have know that there is someone out here who has faith in you (I'm sure there are many others as well), and is pulling for you.

    My best,
    H

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. LakanDula - 22-25 years old - male

    Posted by LakanDula on January 26th, 2013 at 7:20 PM

    Yeah. I'm Filipino and I'm so pissed at my family for sheltering me culturally. For one, my aunts and uncles are all racist bastards, the girl I had a crush on was an Arab American and she doesn't even wear those head-veils. My aunt told me, "Oh, she'll cut your head off" a few years ago, which up to now, I'm still very pissed about. All I've ever been fed is Filipino, Chinese-American and Mexican food, nothing more. Whenever I even ask for something different like trying out Indian food all I got is "Oh, I don't like that". All Filipinos ever eat is their nasty pork dishes, that's all they bring and eat at parties. Everytime I tell my parents about Greek, Arabic, German, Polish or any new restaurants I just get the silent treatment. I had to have my cousins drive me to an Arabic food place. Because I was sheltered, I never want to go paint-balling because my parents never took me so now I'm afraid the feel the simple pain. I like to learn about other cultures and learn new languages like Arabic, but I'm not even motivated anymore because my parents don't support it and are completely dismissing of it and just want me to speak Tagalog.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

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