My daughter is 22 years old and recently moved out of the house when I let my fiance move in. She denounced my motherhood and now says she wants nothing to do with me. She said I am a selfish mom and never did anything for her and never loved her. She sent text obscene hateful text messages to my fiance too, telling him to "go **** himself...oh no...wait...you've got my mom to do that with!"
Maybe I have failed as a parent. Obviously so or she wouldn't be saying this. Throughout elementary school and Jr. high, she was labeled learning disabled and I tried to help her with Hooked On Phonics and took her after work 3 days a week to a learning center which was expensive. I worked full time. Maybe that was it. She claims I never had enough time for her. She was always getting into trouble at school and I was always in parent-teacher conferences. Once, she got in trouble for shop lifting and I had to take off early once a week from work to take her 30 miles away to her probation officer. I enrolled her in dance lessons, drill team, went to the games but she dropped out and said it was my fault for not being a strong disciplinary parent and MAKING her stick with it.
I wasn't a very strong parent. I was divorced twice. It scarred her I think. She recently applied to one dental hygeine school, hoping to get in but was rejected. I know I should be more supportive of her when she is so down right now. Her telling me how she feels about me is proof that I failed as a parent. I only had one child and didn't even do that right. Thank God I had uterine tumors and had to have a hysterectomy.
I made a mess out of my life and brought a very unhappy child into the world and now, the damage is done and it's too late to do anything about it. If you have a young child now and read this, look at it long and hard before this happens to you. Step up to the plate and be a responsible parent and provide tough love and discipline. I failed to do that and these are the consequences.
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Posted by biddingtime on July 2nd, 2009 at 10:37 AM
still angry? there is some thing there..... I know 22 is still young, but....maybe sexual or mental abuse that she has not told you about? might keep an open mind and stay calm and ask her.....good luck
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Posted by Lochlee on July 2nd, 2009 at 12:06 PM
You put all your eggs (egg?) in one basket, as I did. Only children are often spoilt, even if its by default. Yes when my son does something I also immediately feel like I am failing as a parent. You did your best, what you thought was right and stick to that! Let her know you are hurt by her words but that you love her. Dont apologise for doing your best. I wish you and your daughter well.
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Posted by degenerate1991 on July 2nd, 2009 at 8:59 PM
You did the best you could (which was quite a lot, by the way). If not being a "strong parent" was the worst thing you've done, then you did pretty damned well.
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