i'm falling in love with my friend; i feel it. i know he cares, and i almost am daring to think he feels the same...BUT, i'm too scared to let myself go. now, i've spent so much time with and without him that i know i'm fine no matter what happens. it's hard for me to believe there's one "right person" for anyone, but if there is, it would be him. he's masculine, driven, charming, fun, funny, and has wonderful friends and family. the problem is the distance...i'm european and staying here; he's living in asia...so far from me. we're emailing each other often, but i want more. i think he's embarrassed of me in his world there, but not because i'm not beautiful...it's because of my past. in this world, or in any other, he would love me, and does, but when he's there, i fade into obscurity thanks to my crazy university days. it's so painful to see i've ruined everything because i was wild five years ago--i could've put penny lane to shame. now, i prefer to stay home and relax, and he knows, but in that world, i'll never be anyone different than who i used to be. is there any hope or should i give it up??