Posted by Anonymous
on September 28th, 2009 at 8:56 AM
Some times the thought of crossdressing never occurs to me. I can happily pass the time wearing mens clothes, almost unconscious of what I am wearing. I can walk along the street or through the clothing stores without a second thought for the lingerie or womens wear sections. I can pass women in the street and hardly be aware of how they are dressed – and I can meet with my female friends and think only of the immediate topic of conversation. I can spend days or weeks like this, never once thinking of crossdressing or women´s clothes at all. Sometimes like this I even think the desire has gone.
But something will always turn my mind towards crossdressing once again. It may be the sweep of a women´s skirt as she walks by me in the street; the glimpse of a bra strap beneath a blouse, or the top of a pair of panties rising up above the waistline of a pair of jeans. It could be the shimmer of black nylons on a slender pair of women´s legs; or the picture of a lingerie model in a shop or on a billboard. And in that moment I desire it all.
I wish to feel the same skirt, flowing against my own legs, its folds hanging loosely against my thighs; I long to wear that bra, and have its lacy touch against my skin, and wanting breasts of my to fill its cups. When I see that glimpse of panties, I can think only of how soft and silky they would feel against myself, and how their tight fabric would pull press against my ***. The sight of nylons stirs a desire in me feel their clinging, soft touch upon my legs, and I want smooth and hairless legs, the better to savour the power of their touch to the full. And when I see the model there, in only bra and panties, then I desire to be that woman – complete and entire – content in nothing but her underwear and her own feminity.
I wonder what it would be like to be dressed this way all the time; or to look in the mirror and see a round and friendly pair of breasts across my chest, feeling their ample weight in my hands; and to have the fur of a neatly trimmed ***** between my legs – and I imagine the soft bulge the lips would make in a sexy pair of panties. I want long hair to fall across my face and shoulders, that I can toss carelessly in the wind; and hips that curve to show my *** and upper thighs.
When this mood comes over me, it is as though there is no other thought in my mind. I can spend hours online browsing through websites for lingerie – picturing myself in every pair of knickers, every bra, and every alluring outfit that I find. I look at more erotic sites ttoo, imagining myself posed for the camera, delighting in the sexual feminine attire.
In the shops I become lost for hours in the lingerie and women´s clothing sections. I am not nervous to buy, I just cannot make up my mind which pair of bras and panties best suit my mood for the day. I think that if I was a woman I would have a different outfit every day, and cupboards ful of the most lovely underwear. There are so many styles and colours, and I love them all. My favourites would be red or black – something in lace or satin. But not too big as to feel old and frumpy! I am lucky – because my **** is not that big when not erect, I can wear the smallest of thongs or the skimpiest of panties without any problems, though I also enjoy the snug fit of lycra shorts or the comfortable elegance of camis and French knickers.
Although I have many outfits at home, I always feel the need to buy something new each time my crossdressing mood comes on afresh. I love the sensation of wearing a brand new pair of panties, or seeing how a new ensemble comes together for the first time. Besides, I know that I can wear my favourite things in the next few days while I am still thinking this way.
I´ll usually buy something to remove the hair on my legs and chest too. I still remember how wonderful it felt to wear soft stockings and a silky top against freshly and hairless skin.
When I´m fully dressed, I feel sensual and alive – tremendously sexy, though usually without my male body being obviously aroused, and without the urge to make it so.
I slip in a pair of breast forms to complete the effect. I have tried several different sizes, but find a B/C cup suits me best. I like the way they bulge out slightly from above the material of the bra, and the definition if gives to the top I´m wearing.
I am usually happy to stay in while dressed – either doding normal things around the house, or taking some sexy photos, often based on some of the pictures I´ve seen. Although I´m indoors, I´ll still wear some women´s shoes. I don´t really wear very high heels, though I like the shape a smaller heel gives to my feet. I prefer boots with raised heels – either ankle or calf. I like the way you need to walk differently in the raised heels from men´s shoes, and this adds to the feminine walk.
Sometimes I will go out, though I´m not particularly daring, as I think I´m too lazy with make up to do a passable job! I did once have a full day dressed in a salon, and the effect of the make up was incredible – but I don´t feel the need to do that every time. I´ll drive while dressed, which means a short walk to the car, or maybe just go out somewhere. I think the longest time out must have been an hour or so for a long walk by the river. I felt exhilarated and vulnerable all at the same time.
I can feel like this for days at a time – I have some night slips for the evenings, or else just sleep in a comfortable pair of panties. I work during the day, and arriving in anything but a stiff suit and tie is out of the question – just long hair or a day´s growth of beard are frowned upon in my office, so appearing en femme would cause an outrage! Perhaps I should do this if I get fired! Still, I will wear my knickers, tights or stockings underneath. Would love to wear a bra too – but they´re a sharp-eyed lot and would definitely notice through my shirt.
And then after some time, the desire fades about as quickly as it appeared. I´m happy to be the guy I am – training at the gyn, hanging out with my male and female friends – fully occupied with work, family, music, sport, reading, motorbikes, and the dozens of other pursuits that make up daily life, to think about being a woman or wearing sexy underclothes. But although everything is put away in the wardrobe, I know that one day they will reappear soon.
I have by now got used to this double existence. In my teens and early 20s when this began, I found it difficult to understand the changes of state, not knowing which was the ´real´me. At that time too, the emotional mood swings were more violent – when I became ´en femme´, the desire was so fierce that I was convinced I really should be a woman and longed passionately to be one. When the masculine side returned, it scorned violently every aspect of the crossdressing I had shown – even to the extent that I would throw away or otherwise destroy those clothes which had only hours (or even minutes) earlier been of such delight.
Now 10 years later, I am 36, the situation has calmed and mellowed considerably. I think the strength of my feelings derived from a sense that I had to be either one thing or another – either a fully fledged testosterone carrying male, or a woman in every aspect of my daily life. I have learned to let go and relax a little more, and live with whatever phase the moon happens to be in.
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