I have been in love with my husbands cousin since the second time I met him 16 years ago. For a while I thought I just had a crush on him, but every time I heard there was a family get together and he was going to be there, I would get so excited. I'd make sure I get a chance to talk to him and I found that it was easy to do. We'd usually end up talking for a while or walking away from the crowd and chatting. I loved my then boyfriend (my husband) and he was in a relationship too so I just thought it was a crush. But the more I saw him the more I wanted to be around him. Just this year I admitted my feelings towards him and he apologized for things. But also said, "You know how I feel about you. " and "I love you too." I just don't know what to do. I think about him all the time and am trying to make myself stay "in love" with my husband. But I'm not. I do love him, but not the way a wife should. But of course the loyalty to the family and we do have kids that I do not want to ruin their lives.
We have never acted on the feelings that we have for each other. But boy do I want to. It's all I can think about. Now he's in a relationship, I am jealous but know I have no right to keep him out of one. I want him to be happy, even though I'm miserable right now. We talk a lot about his new girl friend and he likes her, sounds happy so good for him. He deserves it. I encourage him and give him good advice about her when we speak, but my heart is breaking when I do. Stupid huh? I have the life I wanted and he is trying to find his. So of course when he asks me if he should go out with her again, I tell him yes. When he asks me if I think she sounds like a nice person I say yes, and I'm not lying. She does. I love having him as a friend, and of course I want more, but in the end, I know that won't happen because he loves his cousin and I do too...at least enough not to hurt him in that way. I just don't know how to make my feelings go away for him (the cousin). Help! I want to stop thinking about what could be so much because it makes me grumpy and depressed around everyone...stupid huh.