I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years. I'm divorced, and met her about 8 months after the initial separation, without a lot of dating in between. It started out great, we both have a lot in common and made each other happy. After about 6 months or so I started to get restless, and some cracks started to show. She is 34 (I'm 33) and had some difficulty in finding a good guy. Now that she has met someone reasonably normal, she is holding on tight (very tight). Sometimes I feel a little suffocated by the relationship, and I feel like she has given up a lot of her independence, which is something I value and want my other to value too. She also looks up to me a little too much (her words), and i feel like she avoids sharing an opinion about something to mine, or tones town her initial strong opinion when she hears I feel differently. I enjoy taling about politics and world events and like really engaging, thoughtful conversation, but she has different interests and lacks passion. This isn't what I want in a girlfriend, and I feel like I am drifting apart from her.
I am feeling a lot of guilt over my desire to break up, mostly because she is so sweet and good to me and also because her biological clock is ticking loudly. I have a tendency to rather suffer in silence than make a tough decision that benefits me, when that desicion will also cause pain to someone else. I'm very empathetic and find it difficult to cause pain. What's happening instead is I passive-aggressively withdraw and become lethargic. This is what happened in my first marraige.
I'm scared that this is going to keep repeating with every relationship until I die. Part of me thinks I'm just crazy, should listen to my head and settle down since she is so wonderful to me. Maybe it's just a phase and I will get over it. I don't feel like i have time to just sit on this though, since if she wants to have a baby she should find someone else soon.
I feel selfish and miserable, like I only care about myself and my own needs. Any advice is appreciated...