I'm Traumatized of Piano

I used to learn piano, starting at the fifth grade. My neighbor taught piano and my friend was one of her students, and he encouraged me to learn as well. I was taught by her for a year, and she was the best piano teacher I've ever had. But then she stopped teaching because she wanted to focus on taking care of her children (she has three daughters, the oldest was six by then), but she wrote a letter of reccomendation for me.

Then I had another teacher for almost a year, but I didn't really like him for some reasons. I stopped having the course with him, but he praised me as a great pianist just like my first teacher did.

I stopped playing for around two or three years. Then my mother brought me to a teacher who taught the son of my mom's best friend. This teacher has a background similar to my first teacher, so I expected that she would be a great teacher too. But when she heard me playing (I had a trial day), she started giving bad comments on my plays and kept comparing me with the son of my mom's friend (he was still in primary school, third grade. I was in ninth grade). The course took only around half an hour, but after that I was really, really mad. I'm not a type of person who easily gets mad, but that time I was very enraged that I couldn't speak to my mom.

Afterwards, my mom brought me to another piano course. I had a trial day with a university student, and since my mom asked me to choose one of the two teachers, I picked the last one. I was too angry with the first one. But I found out that I disliked the student as well. Everytime I made a mistake, he would told me to "play seriously". I wasn't playing unseriously! Even if I played all the notes right, he would find a mistake and threw my mood down.

I was taught by him less than a month. Since then, I've never had piano courses anymore. In fact, I've never played the piano anymore. I used to love playing the piano. I could play for hours, from the time I woke up to the time I went back to bed at night, but since I met the last two teachers, I couldn't help thinking what's wrong with my plays and think that they are really bad. I used to have great mood after I played the piano, but now I always get really sad as soon as I started playing. I'm always reminded of the teachers' comments, and I feel like the worst pianist in the whole world. Now I can only play for half an hour, and afterwards I will cry until my eyes hurt because I remember the negative comments. I still love playing the piano, but the teachers' words has traumatized me very much. My dad said he would sell the piano if I didn't play it anymore. I really want to play, I really really want to play, and I miss the past times when I can play without any burden, but everytime I play the piano I'll always get really sad. I don't want my dad to sell the piano though. Afterall, I had great moments with it - before I met those teachers.

I wish my first teacher will start teaching again. I wish I can find a teacher who can revive my love of playing the piano. And hate to say this, but I wish I can get revenge to those teachers who have made me lost my confidence in playing piano.