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Why does she hurt me so, yet I keep on loving her?

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Toysoldier76 - 31-35 years old - male

Posted by Toysoldier76
on December 4th, 2009 at 9:30 AM


My wife wants a divorce after 12 years and I am still trying to hang on.  But I am asking myself why.  She doesnt reply to my emails, ignores my calls, and even worse, I am am deployed in Korea away from my family and kids and she tells me she wants a divorce before the holidays!  Yea, way to support your husband there!


She makes me feel like such a failure in my 15yr military career that I am ready to quit it all.  But will she still have me?  Nope, I have been bested by the internet life she has.  She wants to leave me for someone she has never met, take my two kids away from me forever, and expect me to pay for it all.  I think not, I think.  Even after all this torment, I still love her with all my heart.  I have never strayed from her and never plan to.  I work extremely hard so they can have a better life than I had growing up, and now she has to put our kids through a nightmare divorce. 


I thought you were supposed to work things out in a marriage.  We have before, we can do it again, but she lacks the will to even try.  HEARTLESS!  GOD, why do I love her so much.  Honestly, a knife in my heart would feel so much better right now.

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8 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Run2Me - 46-50 years old - male

    Posted by Run2Me on December 4th, 2009 at 9:35 AM

    Couple things, is she hot...have a great body? What about you, is there enough for a second life in that hollow shell of a man I'm listening too? If she leaves you, sue the guy she "hooks up with" for the cost of the alimony...based on "he knew he was breaking the family and marriage up." After that, no one will touch her with a 10 foot pole.

    You can't make her stay... She's already gone if she's in your face about it.

    I think you love her because you are on the losing end of the stick, you need leverage...I suggested how you should get the leverage. Break the man she leaves you for.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 18th, 2014 at 8:55AM

  3. Toysoldier76 - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by Toysoldier76 on December 4th, 2009 at 9:38 AM

    It has nothing to do with looks, neither of us are models.

    But the alimony thing, it sucks that I easily make more than her.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 18th, 2014 at 8:55AM

  5. PhedoRuka - 16-17 years old - female

    Posted by PhedoRuka on December 4th, 2009 at 9:39 AM

    Run2Me-this is your best comment,I guess...
    Toysoldier76-think about yourself too,you deserve happiness too.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 18th, 2014 at 8:55AM

  7. Toysoldier76 - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by Toysoldier76 on December 4th, 2009 at 9:41 AM

    TY Phedokitty. Everything I do is for my kids and wife. I try so hard to provide what they need so they dont grow up like I did in a single parent home. The only happiness I want is to be a family.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 18th, 2014 at 8:55AM

  9. Run2Me - 46-50 years old - male

    Posted by Run2Me on December 4th, 2009 at 9:52 AM

    Toy... If you really want too...get that computer she's been using and have a PI look it over...get the data from it...because ultimately....it's your only evidence. You just might be able to salvage your kids out of the divorce.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 18th, 2014 at 8:55AM

  11. PhedoRuka - 16-17 years old - female

    Posted by PhedoRuka on December 4th, 2009 at 9:54 AM

    Toysoldier76-peopel like you allways suffer,becouse think too much about others,and love them TOO much...there must be someone to love you too,for who you are.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  12. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 18th, 2014 at 8:55AM

  13. Smeralda - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by Smeralda on January 18th, 2010 at 3:54 PM

    mmmh! I guess you should just move on! Treating her as a B*** etc will just erase all the years you've spent together, the love you shared and the kids you have! After all she loved you too and you loved her... I don't agree that insulting her will help you much! What you have to think is that... at some point maybe your work was taking too much of your time and she found an "ear" in that internet guy! So... it's nor your fault nor hers... it's just life!!

    Now you have to work on yourself, you have to work with her also in making the divorce as painless as possible... for you both... and more importantly the children!
    When we are at this point of life (divorce) we act like children, because of dispare... I don't know what kind of emails you send her... but next one you'll send her try to be short : If you want the divorce we need to talk about our kids, because we made them together and raised them together and I am the one they call dad! So for them... let's meet and be the adults here not the children!

    Regarding you and your suffering and your pain... We are all much stronger than what we think! It is hard... because you will be starting all over again... but it is good also, because it gives you the opportunity to start a new life, which means maybe new job, new career, new opportunities!

    Don't forget you might be down now... but think that from now... you can only go up!
    Take care of yourself!

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  14. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 18th, 2014 at 8:55AM

  15. beyondsight - 18-21 years old

    Posted by beyondsight on September 1st, 2010 at 12:11 AM

    It really sucks being the honest good person and others don't have the cunting balls to be honest with you in return.

    It's what proves your worth, at least in my eyes.
    You give a damn, and you act on it.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  16. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 18th, 2014 at 8:55AM

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