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My Husband is Terrible in Bed.

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on January 9th, 2010 at 12:15 AM


I married a great guy...who wasn't great in bed.  I thought that it would get better over time.  It gotten worse.  He's a little chubby, not perfect looking, but that's not a requirement, he's just totally unaware of my body.  He's the guy that's always laying on your hair or squishing your arm or doesn't notice that you are saying "ow" until you pull his hair.  None of the mechanics are working.  I've pretty much given up and we just don't have sex because it's such a horrible experience for both of us.  Sometimes, I wonder if he isn't maybe more interested in men.  I have no proof of that except that he doesn't seem bothered by how incredibly bad our sex life is.  We've talked and gone to doctors.  He even has viagra, which helps the process end, but doesn't make it any more pleasant of a journey.  Just a shorter journey.  There are other things I'd like to try, but he's not really into trying anything beyond those two basic positions and frankly, he has so much trouble with those that it's hard for me to sincerely suggest that anything more complicated won't end up with me in quite a bit of pain.  I hadn't had a host of lovers before him, but all of them were better than he is.  I'm not going to have an affair, but I fantasize about it on a fairly regular basis.  I'm sure he does too, I mean, who wouldn't?  We've talked so much though and nothing has gotten better.  He doesn't seem to want to be good in bed, even though that means he basically doesn't get laid.  How can I negotiate with someone who simply isn't interested in changing a bad situation?

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3 Comments (add your own)

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  1. far2wicked - 51-55 years old - male

    Posted by far2wicked on January 9th, 2010 at 12:02 PM

    Difficult, he has a low sex drive. Maybe he would let someone else fill your needs. f2w

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. billg - 46-50 years old

    Posted by billg on January 10th, 2010 at 5:23 AM

    Perhaps he is more interested in men. Why not go down that road and attempt to invite another man into your bed to please you both. It may actually lead to a enjoyable and satisfying sex life for the both of you

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  3. ShesNotThere - 31-35 years old

    Posted by ShesNotThere on April 16th, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    I relate to your situation in MANY ways. I don't think you should worry that he is into men. Let's look at it from a guy's perspective: It is an extemely embarrassing subject to talk to anyone about. You're afraid your friends are going to think you're less of a man, or worse, try to hone in on your girl. He may not be thinking of having an affair because of anxiety to perform. If he knows he can't please you and you care about him, it can be terrifying to think of coming up short with a brand new woman that doesn't care about him (i.e. the "They're all going to laugh at you" complex). I also wouldn't say that he doesn't care. He is in a situation where things are reasonably comfortable which is less stressful than having to go out and date again. As the saying goes, "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't".
    As for fixing this situation, it will take a LONG time to work things out and he may still not be able to satisfy you physically; but you may find happiness in other forms of intimacy (other than sexual).
    I really do wish you the best of luck. And I apologize no for any bad spelling and/or grammar.

    Reply | 4dislike | Flag

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