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I don't like when my boyf...

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on April 4th, 2008 at 11:16 AM


I don't like when my boyfriend watches movies that involve female nudity. I was not like this to begin with, but for awhile now it has been something that's always on my mind. I'm at the point where I ask him to please not watch something because it literally hurts me to know that he's watching someone other than me naked. He does not understand this at all. I have tried to not care, and put myself through a few movies but I can't help but get hurt. He thinks that a movie is a lot more important than my feelings, and always makes me feel guilty for having a problem with it. I wish I didn't care, and that i wouldn't be thinking about this every time we watch a movie. I sometimes even check to see if there will be nudity, and then ask him to not watch. I find myself to be an attractive person, so it is not the problem of low self-esteem. I am mad at him that he doesn't understand but also at myself because i dont know what triggered this. Has anyone else ever been through this ? Please help :(

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  1. trmntd123 - 51-55 years old - male

    Posted by trmntd123 on April 4th, 2008 at 11:27 AM

    To preface my response, I am assuming that the nudity you are referring to is the typical R-rated stuff, and that your boyfriend does not have some kind of obsession with nudity in movies.

    It is normal to be a bit uncomfortable (or jealous)with "Hollywood" nudity since they are always perfect looking and unrealistic. But that should go both ways for men and women, and for most of us, that jealousy is overwhelmed by the desire to see hot looking nudes of the opposite sex.

    To have the reaction you do tells me that you have an unhealthy attitude in your relationship or with your body. He is not choosing between you and the movie; your request is unreasonable and he is treating it as such. Do you otherwise have a normal sex life? Do you mind seeing nude men (if so, that is a double standard)? Does your boyfriend say or do things that make you not trust him as a partner? Does he make remarks that make you feel inferior?

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  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 27th, 2014 at 5:38AM

  3. xsadiex - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by xsadiex on April 4th, 2008 at 1:57 PM

    Hun, i used to feel the same way (I'm no longer in a relationship however) In my case it was because I had VERY low self esteem and would always worry that my BF found nude women on TV more attractive than me. I hope you and your BF are able to talk about this problem and sort it out somehow~~ Good luck *hugs*

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  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 27th, 2014 at 5:38AM

  5. victa - 31-35 years old

    Posted by victa on July 7th, 2008 at 3:59 AM

    Hello
    I want to comment on this as i feel the same way as you do and im sure just like you this sometimes eats me up inside and even affects my sleep. I have been battling this issue for some years now but it is only around my boyfriends, not anyone else.
    I have tried many things to overcome this and sometimes it works. I have discovered that it's not all nudity that affects me, just juvenile films that i think my 37 year old partner should not find funny, maybe if he was 18. And like you i get very hurt...
    I have tried to work out what triggered this, i have a confession of my own, when i was young, like around 10 i used to pick movies that had female nudity, i am not attracted to females at all and i don't know why i did this. It was not until i started dating seriously around 19 that this trait came out, i wish i could work out what went wrong.
    I have one thing with this parner that none of the others did for me, he knows i get offended now after some previous experiences and he asks me if i would like a particular movie or not before putting it on, he has a heap of dvds. Most of his movies i find ok and i like them also, i just am a bit confused that he then has the American Pie pack in his collection, these are the movies that upset me, i get hurt that he finds female nudity and juvenile boys talk funny and i don't find it funny at all..
    I think he may watch these movies sometimes when i may not be there, but i will say he has a very wide range of movies, from documentaries, to war movies, action, drama and we do have quite a few tastes in common.
    I would like to share some of my things i have tried to make me feel better.
    Writing down you partners good points helps, they always outweigh the bad for me and i am sure like me male flesh on the screen does not bother me but you never see penises so it is not like the girls, you see pretty much everything.
    I tell myself often over and over that he loves me and i often think that there are so many people out there that have worst problems, such as abuse, cheating, loss etc.
    Like you this topic has caused fights and think of the feeling you have when you think you are breaking up, it is heaps worse than the hurt from these movies.
    Try repeating things over and over in your head to get to your subconscious, this sometimes works and try and think good things of yourself, this is my worst thing, i rarely do and i often lack esteem.
    Anyhow i would like to hear back from you if you have futher comments on this topic and if you have any ideas that may help me deal with it.
    |Anyhow, you are definitely not alone and i also try to desperately be rid of this feeling forever.
    Take care

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  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 27th, 2014 at 5:38AM

  7. dbeck22 - 46-50 years old

    Posted by dbeck22 on October 4th, 2008 at 8:46 PM

    I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. MY BOYFRIEND DOES THE SAME THING AND I FEEL TOTALLY DISRESPECTED, ALTHOUGH NOW WE DO NOT WATCH MOVIES TOGETHER ANYMORE IN FACT I DON'T GO TO SEE MOVIES ANYMORE BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T SIT THERE AND BE HUMILIATED. UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS A REFLECTION OF THE SEXIST SOCIETY THAT WE LIVE IN TODAY. NOT ONLY DO MOST MOVIES TODAY HAVE AT LEAST ONE SCENE WHERE THERE IS A TOTALLY NUDE WOMAN, BUT THE WOMEN IN FILMS ARE GETTING YOUNGER AND YOUNGER. THERE NUDE WOMEN IN THE MOVIES PAIRED UP WITH MEN OLD ENOUGH TO BE THEIR FATHERS AND SOMETIMES GRANDFATHERS!!! IT IS SO SICKENING! WHAT IS NEXT, 10 YEAR OLDS NUDE IN FILM? OH,I'LL BET THAT WILL MAKE MONEY! BUT SERIOUSLY THIS PETER PAN SYNDROME NEEDS TO STOP. THE BEHAVIOR IS TAKING A TOLL ON COUPLES REAL LIFE RELATIONSHIPS. I RECENTLY HEARD THAT A LOT OF THE BODY'S ARE NOT EVEN REAL BUT ARE COMPUTER ENHANCED TO LOOK LIKE AN IMPOSSIBLE IDEAL. IN FACT LESS THAN 5% OF ALL WOMEN HAVE A BARBIE DOLL BODY. MY BOYFRIEND WATCHES TONS OF MOVIES MOST CONTAIN FEMALE NUDITY AND MUCH VIOLENCE
    WHICH IS YET ANOTHER ISSUE, PAIRING SEXUALLY objectIFIED WOMEN WITH VIOLENCE AND RAPE. IS THIS THE KIND OF LEGACY THAT WE ARE LEAVING OUR CHILDREN? I KNOW THAT I STAND WITH MANY OTHER WOMEN ON THIS----I WILL NOT BE A PERT OF THIS HOLLYWOOD MISOGYNY. I GUESS WHAT WE CAN DO IS BE A LIVING EXAMPLE OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A REAL WOMAN-- BODY, HEART AND SOUL!!! I WISH YOU WELL!!

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  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 27th, 2014 at 5:38AM

  9. natz93 - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by natz93 on April 21st, 2010 at 4:44 PM

    I totally understand how you feel and this might sound really SAD but ive broke down in tears sometimes. I can understand its not my boyfriends fault these things are on films but on certain films where its all the time it really upset me that he would still watch it. I kept it to myself for a while but it was really upsetting me so i decided to just tell him how i felt.
    Its not that i was jealous i think im just very overprotective because i love him so much and seeing other girls naked and sex scenes with nudity is something specia 4 only a couple. he said he totally understood and was never intereted in the nudity but understand where im coming from. now if he knows theres nudity he doesnt watch it or he turns it off its really bad on a fim. hes such an amazing boyfreind. i wish yours would listen and understand how u feel :( hugs. but its you he loves not them just remember that

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  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 27th, 2014 at 5:38AM

  11. Mystic85 - 22-25 years old

    Posted by Mystic85 on August 16th, 2010 at 11:26 AM

    I have read all your comments and thought I was the only one with this problem! So glad i'm not. Everything ypu guys have said is exactly what I have been going through for the last 5-6 years and it is so devastating to my life and relationship. I really wish I could get over it. I have been trying to hard recently and always go over and over in my head trying to work out why he watches things like this. He always says he thinks nothing of it and that "its only a film" but I just hope thats true. Luckily he tells me he doesn't watch **** and I think I believe him on that. I just need to keep telling myself he loves me and think of the positives even though it is so heavily challenging at times. I do enjoy films myself but like the other lady who spoke before I cannot stand teen crap at all!!! They are the worsr for sex and nudity in my opinion. Anyway, if anybody else is going through the same thing please get in touch x

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  12. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 27th, 2014 at 5:38AM

  13. ladykaykay - 18-21 years old

    Posted by ladykaykay on February 28th, 2011 at 10:20 PM

    i COMPLETELY feel the exact same way :( it bothers me all the time. i hate feeling so devastated and humiliated with all the nudity and overly graphic sex scenes... and people wonder why girls have such low self-esteems..i mean look at what's on the screen so publicly? it's scary how much worse the amount of sex, nudity,etc. has gotten too...scary to me at least. i wish nudity would just not even exist in movies (if the nudity supposedly means nothing, then movies would be just as good without it... and to top it off, our feelings wouldn't be so hurt)
    my bf is soooo into movies...he has hundreds.. and just doesn't understand why it hurts my feelings so much when there is nudity.. he said he'll try to help me get through this, but doesn't want me treating him "like a child"... i guess i'm glad that he understood that i will NEVER tolerate him intentionally looking at naked women (***** clubs, playboys, ******, and all the other DISGUSTING things people are into... i'm beyond sick of it all existing.)
    i hope that things get better for you, dear...it's nice to know that there are others who feel the same way as i do on this topic.. <3

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  14. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 27th, 2014 at 5:38AM

  15. Hallie123 - 18-21 years old

    Posted by Hallie123 on July 17th, 2011 at 1:58 AM

    I feel the same exact way and my bf says he doesn't care about seeing other girls naked but I find myself feeling jealous and before we go see a movie I check to see if there is nudity in it because I am so uncomfortable with it! I think it's normal though I mean I think a girl would be crazy to not feel ANY jealousy.

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  16. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 27th, 2014 at 5:38AM

  17. imhearandinluv - 41-45 years old - male

    Posted by imhearandinluv on September 14th, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    i am a male, i have a wife witch i love deerly.I would never watch movies like that,not because of her but I beleave that there not real to me so if there not real then why watch them . i have never been into watching any kind of **** at all. i spend most of my time with my wife when im not working, you couldnt peel me away from her to watch any kind of movie like that ! there is something about the younger people now days that just dont make sence. if you boyfriend is under 30 then more then likely he has not found him self,who he really is as a person ,either he's looking to learn more about fake sex or he doesnt know that much about sex ! either way he doesnt know how to treat a lady ! You cant change people if that is who he is then learn to live with it or find that one man who wants to treat you like a lady .

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  18. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 27th, 2014 at 5:38AM

  19. southernsoul - 16-17 years old

    Posted by southernsoul on July 5th, 2012 at 2:30 AM

    I'm having the same issue!! My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and it seems to get worse over time. Its not a self-esteem problem, I know. But i guess the things he has done in the past with other girls are making me feel that he is unfaithful when he see's other naked woman. I know he would never cheat on me or hurt me but when I came to him with my feelings, he doesn't see the big deal. I was raised to think nudity isnt neseccery and i still stand by that. I wish he understood. I dont think there is a way to solve this other than leave it up to God and let him deal with it or don't put up with it. I find myself having a hard time taking my own advice...but i wish you luck. Do me the same!!

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  20. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 27th, 2014 at 5:38AM

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