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I Feel Like I Have a Black Cloud Over My Head

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castle4mom - 31-35 years old - female

Posted by castle4mom
on February 15th, 2010 at 7:53 AM

A year ago my marriage was in near ruins.  I found out my husband was having an affair.  A few weeks after that, I was fired from my job, a job that, while I didn't love it, it was a source of much-needed income at a time when I had no idea where my life was going.   In addition, we had been having some financial issues, in particular with our house (when you are down to one income it's tough to make that mortgage payment), and we received foreclosure paperwork in the mail.   We have had our cars reposessed.  We initially moved in with my mother - which didn't work out.  Now we are with his mother - which isn't working out either.   I am working a small part-time job to bring in some extra cash, but right now that's all I have been able to find.  I don't even know what I want to do with my life to say what I want to do next.  I consider going back to school - but for what, and how when we can sometimes barely afford food?  I guess it's a miracle we are even still together.  Have I mentioned yet that we have 4 kids?  That throws a monkey wrench into everything.  I love my kids more than anything in the world, and would do anything for them, but right now I feel like I am drowning, and I don't know how to save myself.   Bring on the feelings of saddness for showing them such a negative side of life.   My husband was just in a big car accident over the weekend -- in the car that we have only had for 2 months.  It was not his fault, and he could have been hurt way more than he was.  I should also be happy that we have a roof over our heads.  And that he has a stable job.  Three good things, right.

I just feel like every chance we have had in the last year+ to get ahead and make a new start has been squashed by something else, and I don't know how to get out of the rut we are in.  Some days I feel like we need to move.  To completely start fresh someplace new.  But how?  I feel like I have this black cloud over my head and no matter how fast I run I can't get away from it.

I don't really have friends, which I guess is why this experience project seemed to intriguing to me.  If you have gotten this far, thank you for reading this.  I am just trying to blow off a little steam and maybe, just maybe, someone else out there can relate. 

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  1. dulceprincess05 - 36-40 years old - female

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    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 22nd, 2015 at 12:05PM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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