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My daughter told me her older sister touched her privates...

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on August 3rd, 2010 at 7:49 PM


I have 3 daughters with one on the way. My oldest is twelve, the other two are eight and three. When I was in the hospital after delivering my three year old, my eight year old, who was five at the time, told me her sister had been touching her privates. She told me she does it all the time. I have never been so devastated in my life! I have done what I could to keep them seperated, and I feel as if the touching has stopped. But I still feel as if the 12 year old is a predator-I hate her for what she has done to her sister.

I have not tried to get any help for fear that my children will be taken away from me because of my perverted daughter. She tries to be affectionate towards me and I find myself pushing her away. I just dont like her. I feel bad, but the instinct in me to protect my other children from her overrides the motherly feelings I have towards her. I look at her sometimes and just want to send her away. She gets good grades and she is a good child but I still cant be proud of her. I feel like I need help to overcome the negative feelings I have towards her, but I am afraid to go to a professional.

I love her and I never want to see anything bad happen to her, but sometimes I want to hurt her myself. If a neighbor or friend were to touch one of my kids I wouldn't be around them, buy them clothes, take care of them, or have to look at their face on a daily basis. It's so hard to forgive her. People say she doesn't know what she was doing was wrong-but I disagree. If she didn't know it was wrong, she wouldn't have threatened her little sister, or waited until no one was around to do it. To this day, she tries to control her, as if she is her mother. I hate it! I'm constantly battling with her for control in my own home with my own child. I want to send her away, but there is no one to send her to. Then I would feel guilty for taking care of her siblings and not her. I pray about it and write my feelings in a journal, but it's only getting worse. Any suggestions???

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9 Comments (add your own)

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  1. luckypickle - 26-30 years old

    Posted by luckypickle on August 3rd, 2010 at 7:53 PM

    You NEED to take your oldest daughter to a doctor. Have her commited for you other childrens sake. Hating her isn't going to make this better and I have a feeling that her problems run MUCH deeper than just this. I wish you the best but PLEASE get her some help.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. sparkledust - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by sparkledust on August 3rd, 2010 at 7:58 PM

    Your daughter is a child. What she did is wrong, but she is still a child. Not only that, she's still your child. From reading this, I get the sense that your "hatred" for your daughter goes deeper than disgust for what she did, but possibly some feelings of guilt on your part. I think that you're angry with yourself for not protecting your younger daughter, but I think that, on some level, you realize that you need to face that possibility that your 12 year old has been the victim of molestation as well. Your daughter is not a pervert. Children are not perverts. Children who have had s exual behaviors imposed upon them by adults often go on to simulate these behaviors with other children. I don't think that you're unaware of this. Don't ask me why, but your wording sounds like avoidance of some other issue. If you seriously considered the situation, I'm sure that you could come up with a few possible suspects or scenarios for what might have happened to your older daughter. It's just a hunch, but your distaste for her seems above and beyond to me. I think that you all need to speak with a family counselor. You need to work on the feelings that you have both towards yourself and your eldest daughter, and your daughters need to work on regaining a healthy sibling relationship before the damage extends to their adolescence and adulthood. Fix this now. You haven't magically ceased to be a family. It's up to you to do the right thing and get to the bottom of this. Love your daughter right now. I'm sure there's much more behind this than meets the eye. Good luck.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  3. DreDre - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by DreDre on August 3rd, 2010 at 8:59 PM

    Sparkle is right. Children display that behavior when they've been abused themselves. Maybe she doesn't even realize she was sexually abused. Don't hate her for what she can't help or maybe even understand. :( That makes me very sad. Be a mother and help her instead of alienating her.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. SunshineSnowFlower - 16-17 years old - female

    Posted by SunshineSnowFlower on August 4th, 2010 at 12:22 AM

    What everyone has said is true. You are supposed to love them unconditionally and seeking help will not get them taken away, unless you endangered them in anyway. I have dealt with child protective services plently of times because my sister has gone "bad". They haven't taken me and my other sisters away yet, and my sister has done some really terrible things.

    Please get your daughter help. Both of them so this doesn't repeat itself with your youngest.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  5. adrianluvsart - 22-25 years old

    Posted by adrianluvsart on September 25th, 2010 at 11:33 AM

    I think you need to find out why your oldest daughter is doing this. I know someone that this happened to and we found out that the child doing this had also been molested. So instead of "hating" her you should actually probably most likely should be feeling sad and hurt for her. No one just does that kind of stuff to do it. She was taught that. Sit down with her and ask her some personal questions.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  6. higloria - 13-15 years old

    Posted by higloria on January 18th, 2012 at 7:53 PM

    I also did the same to my younger siblings, but didnt ever threatened them or it wasnt "secret", I have apologized to them, they have accepted it but are still young, and i feel disgusted. And realized i had insight it was wrong, but also realized how ive been verbally, emotionally, and sexually abused groqing up. Im 15 and still get emotionally abused. My siblings an di have agreat relationship, but theyll probably hate me when were older. We dont tak about it and no one has told anyone, though i hope they do tell on me soon cause its eating me alive. I would do it myself, but am too scared. Help?

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  7. higloria - 13-15 years old

    Posted by higloria on January 18th, 2012 at 7:53 PM

    I also did the same to my younger siblings, but didnt ever threatened them or it wasnt "secret", I have apologized to them, they have accepted it but are still young, and i feel disgusted. And realized i had insight it was wrong, but also realized how ive been verbally, emotionally, and sexually abused groqing up. Im 15 and still get emotionally abused. My siblings an di have agreat relationship, but theyll probably hate me when were older. We dont tak about it and no one has told anyone, though i hope they do tell on me soon cause its eating me alive. I would do it myself, but am too scared. Help?

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. unchoosen - 18-21 years old - male

    Posted by unchoosen on October 16th, 2012 at 6:13 AM

    see all daughters naked

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  9. jamks1999 - 13-15 years old - male

    Posted by jamks1999 on November 7th, 2012 at 9:47 PM

    Your such a ****** mom, shes a ******* 12 year old. What a bitchy mother, be useful woman

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

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