My boyfriend choked me but I still love him...

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on August 6th, 2010 at 7:50 PM

My boyfriend and I got in a huge fight.  I am not a violent person but he let his temper get the best of him and hurt me.  He couldn't seem to stop himself.  we have been under a lot of stress and pressure.  I know he feels terrible and never wanted to hurt me.  I do believe if you let people they can change.  But I also know that almost anyone would say to leave and never look back. It's what I would say to anyone else.  But being on the other side, loving someone so much and knowing they weren't themselves at the time I have forgiven him and given him a second chance.  I can't decide if I'm being understanding or stupid.

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7 Comments (add your own)

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  1. college101 - 31-35 years old - female

    Posted by college101 on August 6th, 2010 at 7:52 PM

    That's no excuse

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  2. Shaylon - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by Shaylon on August 6th, 2010 at 7:54 PM

    Perhaps an ultimatum to go to an anger management class or break up if he does not feel he needs it then he is not going to change.

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  3. CosmicLucidity - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by CosmicLucidity on August 6th, 2010 at 8:03 PM

    I have always said that if a man ever hurt me, I would leave him. Nothing would stop me. I was adamant about this for years. No ties, no arguments, just leave.
    Then I grew up.
    I always wonder, if I loved someone that much, how could I not give them a second chance? How could I just walk out? We're human, and therefore I think we can't.
    It's great that you want to stick by him. He needs help though, more than you can give him. Do you still trust him? You say he never meant to hurt you, and he probably didn't, but you say 'he couldn't seem to stop himself' and that is really, really scary.
    I would talk to him, be firm, and say that this is unacceptable behavior. Don't just assume that because you know he feels bad you don't need to reinforce this.
    If it were me, I would force him into seeing someone, a counselor, psychologist, whoever. Deal with the issue of why he reacted that way. I would also write down exactly what happened. Not in a collecting evidence way, but in case you ever need to go back and reflect. You need to remember this. Once is unacceptable on his part, twice is unacceptable on yours.
    I hope it all works out for you :) Please be safe. If you live together, a few days apart might be good. Don't just smooth this over with I'm sorries and I love you's. Giving him a chance to change is one thing but he needs to follow through, and you need to be strong enough to be able to pull the plug if necessary.

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  4. Doublejeopardy - 31-35 years old - female

    Posted by Doublejeopardy on August 6th, 2010 at 8:04 PM

    Eff no they can't change. At least not without professional help anyways. I am a psych major and i have learned this much through countless case studies--He's going to kill your *** one day! Behavior like that almost always escalates. Cut your losses now before your friends, family, or children have to live out their lives without YOU. It's only attachment towards him that you feel so strongly about. A little mind over matter will break that connection.

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  5. Posted by An EP User on August 6th, 2010 at 9:38 PM

    he obviously is a lousy choker if you are still here.. i would dump the loser.

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  6. Posted by An EP User on August 6th, 2010 at 10:43 PM

    yeah know what that feels like no they dont really change...

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  7. jeflogue - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by jeflogue on January 22nd, 2014 at 5:33 AM

    This just happened to me. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and he spent 45 minutes barricading me in the room with my gun to his head. at some point I hit him in the head with a shoe and tried to run because he was saying "who do you want to go first, me or you?" He caught me, pinned me on the floor, and choked me from Behind with his arm. All I could think is that me and my baby were going to die on that floor. He let go at some point after I stopped struggling and then when through the halfhearted motion of snapping my neck, which obviously didnt work. Then after about 20 minutes of struggling I finally convinced him to call an ambulance to take him to the hospital. I managed to get the gun away and unloaded, and later hid it. Then when I was on the phone he kept grabbing kitchen knives and holding them against his neck and at his stomach. I cant handle any of this, hes in the hospital now. I just got back from mysister's funeral today. She was 17, and shot herself in the mouth. All I could think while he had the gun to his head was how could this be happening to me again?

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

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