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This is more of a story than confession but I guess :/

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LoverInTheClouds - 22-25 years old - female

Posted by LoverInTheClouds
on August 12th, 2010 at 6:05 AM


So I found my father on facebook. Didn't add him or message him. Just looked at his picture. I looked at it hard and all this memories began playing in my head. I got teary just looking at it. Truth is and this more of a confession to myself, is that I miss him. I wish we had a good relationship but I haven't talked to him in a year or so. He never was a good father. Always breaking promises. I think I only saw him once a year after I turned 12. As I got older I realized that he wasn't worth is and since he wasn't going to be a good father I wasn't going to ever speak to him again cause I got tired of it. I stopped calling him on fathers day, Christmas, or on his birthday. Every year my mom insists I call him but I don't because I feel such an anger for him. I never was able to experience "daddy's little girl". I was just there. When I was born my dad was there at the hospital but when I turned 3 he made my twin brother and I get a dna test. I remember sitting there next to my mom and looking at this stranger who was suppose to be my father. My mom was glaring at him because he knew better. I have some memories of him. Like when he took us to Disney Land, Las Vegas, and Colorado one Christmas. One of the few memories I actually felt wanted by him. Even though he wasn't and still isn't the greatest of dads. I miss him and love him. I wonder if one day I'll be able to tell him that despite all the anger he has caused me.


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5 Comments (add your own)

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  1. iwanttoknowmore - 41-45 years old - male

    Posted by iwanttoknowmore on August 12th, 2010 at 6:13 AM

    I respect your feelings. It is but natural that you miss him as there is a vaccum in yr life.Some day you will have courage to tell him and I am sure he would understand and reciprocate.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 20th, 2014 at 10:06AM

  3. LoverInTheClouds - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by LoverInTheClouds on August 12th, 2010 at 6:16 AM

    Thank you

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 20th, 2014 at 10:06AM

  5. allenbird - 36-40 years old - male

    Posted by allenbird on August 12th, 2010 at 6:39 AM

    It is things like this that makes guys like me understand that being a father and having constant loving contact with your daughter is probably one of the most important things ever.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 20th, 2014 at 10:06AM

  7. iwanttoknowmore - 41-45 years old - male

    Posted by iwanttoknowmore on August 13th, 2010 at 5:21 AM

    you mentioned about breaking promises.this means that he was there to give you patient listening and promises too.please elaborate your point if you expect more from us .you cherish your visits to disney land,las vegas etc with him.You have not elaborated how you are convinced that he will not be a good father.I am sure you are a good daughter.Don't punish him.try to forgive him .forgive him..and you will have him.Your mother knows many thngs that is why she advised you to give him a call.I want to hug you and tell you to gather courage and say somthing to him...don't cut off the communication.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 20th, 2014 at 10:06AM

  9. LoverInTheClouds - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by LoverInTheClouds on August 13th, 2010 at 11:07 AM

    The thing is I have told him something. I've told him he isn't a good father because he's never there for us. I stopped trying after he missed my high school graduation. He had promised my brother and I that he was going to go. That day I looked in the crowd and he was no where in sight. Only my mom was there just like always. I've told him many times that he isn't ever there for us both physically and emotionally. All he does is get mad but I know it hurts him because I'm the only one who speaks up where as my brother doesn't. The only one who keeps in contact with him is my brother. I don't and it's not that I want to cut him out either it's just things play out better this way. I'm tired of getting hurt.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 20th, 2014 at 10:06AM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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