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My husband smokes pot jus...

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on July 10th, 2008 at 12:50 PM


My husband smokes pot just about everyday. I knew it when we got married, but he said that someday he knew that he would eventually quit. It really bothered me, but I had not met anyone with such a good heart and such a really good man, so I figured this was an exception I could make. He's a musician and it's something that helps him create, I guess.

It's been 10 years. And I have to say, I think it's time for him to stop. We live in a very small town, and if he were ever to get busted, it would make front page news. It would affect his job, not to mention mine as well. Tongues would wag. I have an anxiety disorder and this is the one thing that gives me panic attacks. He said that he would cut back if he felt it would make us closer. I feel like this issue is making me have less respect for him and is pulling us apart. Is it too much to ask for him to stop completely?

He did say, some ten years ago that someday he would quit. He's in his 40's. I just think it would be old by now.

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  1. vinividivici21 - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by vinividivici21 on July 10th, 2008 at 3:45 PM

    I think its a bit hypocritical to complain about his habit when he's been open about to you. You chose to accept that when you married him. Besides, have you really considedered *why* you don't want him smoking? Is something specific or are you letting yourself be influenced by society's stigma against pot? Or are you just afraid of what other people might think?

    Its his habit and if it hasn't thus far impeded his ability to be your husband or a productive member or society, I suggest you lay off. You may not like the habit, but you married the guy and what's more, how do you think you'd feel if your wife spent years berating you about something??

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  2. xstarxdestinedx - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by xstarxdestinedx on July 10th, 2008 at 4:10 PM

    I would confront him about it. I would let him know that it's a habit you don't like...maybe it would be a good idea to let him know you don't want to know he's doing it...you don't want to see it or smell it. It is illegal and if he gets busted you will go down too because you've known about it. Not to mention your jobs are at stake. I don't think it would be to much of him to ask him to stop doing it. Marijuana is a horrible drug. Any drugs are terrible. I've seen what to much of them can do and I just hope that your husband isn't like that. Good luck!

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  3. irishdame - 51-55 years old

    Posted by irishdame on July 10th, 2008 at 5:50 PM

    I have smoked weed for 38 years and although I'm getting a little tired of the way it makes me feel,( tired) I don't know if I would ever give it up for good. I just like to smoke every so often.. I smoke all day when I have it. I wake and bake. It's just a relaxer and he enjoys the way it calms him down after a long day. Hey maybe you should take a few tokes...RELAX! Whenever I get upset about something and depressed my hubby gets me weed...lol I would be on xanax, prozac if I didn't smoke....Hey thats a good excuse....It's medical marijuanna.....I DO believe a person with cancer should be able to get it! I am for medical Weed!

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. VAK - 26-30 years old

    Posted by VAK on

    I am in a very similar situation and I totally agree, it's unreasonable and it's very difficult. Smoking weed every day is NOT okay. I don't care what the potheads below have to say about this. It's not okay. If you do ANYTHING every day, if you need any substance to keep you going, you have a problem. I'm very tired of all the deluded rhetoric coming from the pot smoking community--it all just boils down to people who smoke pot wanting to justify their habit. At least be honest about it--you're addicted and don't want to stop because it would be hard.

    In my situation, my husband said he didn't smoke pot anymore--that was something he "used to do"--and for the first 5/6 years of our marriage, he basically didn't smoke--only 1-2 times a year, even though he hid that from me. Then we moved and he was closer to his suppliers and he started smoking more. About a year ago, he finally confessed to me that he smokes but since that day, it's been nonstop.

    So here's the rub: I am someone who believes pot smoking is wrong, because it's illegal and unhealthy and generally not the sort of responsible behavior that adult should exhibit. But now I have to live with it--totally, completely. I can see some merit, that he needed to be able to have his own choices and not have to hide from me--but now my life has to be totally dominated by HIS habit. Our friends, our family, our home, everything--and that is wrong. And we have kids and I don't believe in raising kids in a house with drugs. But what to do? Now I'm in it, and he won't stop or decrease or anything, and I'm kind of screwed.

    So to the original poster--I'm very sorry and I feel your pain. To everyone with their justifications--think for five seconds about what it's like to be US, to be the ones in a relationship with someone we love who unfortunately doesn't love us enough to make even a little bit of compromise and change habits and are supported in their selfish decisions by the type of rationalizations below.

    Reply | 4dislike | Flag

  5. funinthesnow - 31-35 years old

    Reply by funinthesnow Feb 29th, 2012 at 6:42PM

    ''If you do ANYTHING every day, if you need any substance to keep you going, you have a problem.'' Does that include coffee, breakfast cereals, TV, Internet, or cell phone use? I don't smoke weed when i'm out and i don't miss it that much, but a day without the internet and i go insane!

    Reply Delete

  6. auds81 - 22-25 years old - male

    Posted by auds81 on February 19th, 2010 at 6:58 PM

    You married this man, knowing full well that he smokes pot. ultimatums do not work do not try that. Try opening your mind. He doesnt become fanatical or animalistic on marijuana as many do on booze. Ask yourself is pot is really that harmful. Ask if pot was as bad as the government has brain washed us why is there no proof. We all know what cigarettes do to your body, and booze we have all seen pictures of black lungs and b*****d up livers, but the fact is there is no proof ever anywhere that marijuana causes brain damage. There is no chemicals dumped into pot like there is into smokes. Ask yourself some tough questions get on google and search. Learn, and don't be afraid to grow out of the person you learned to be and become someone who is willing to not blindly accept things simply because their superiors tell them something is bad. And i understand that his smoking is affecting you and you need to deal with that. But is it fair of you to ask him to stop doing something because you want him to. Can you not accept him as he is and continue to love him as you have.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  7. pipes2518 - 26-30 years old

    Posted by pipes2518 on August 29th, 2010 at 8:39 AM

    You can justify it any way you want, but what it comes down to is that it is illegal. Hopefully, it won't always be that way. But for now the trouble it will cause your family if he was to be "busted" is not worth it. I am in the same boat.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  8. jam53 - 41-45 years old

    Posted by jam53 on August 30th, 2010 at 1:10 PM

    My husband smokes every day as well. He smokes "medically" in that he suffers from depression. But I do believe it has turned into a habit. He did NOT smoke when we got married. He started a few years ago, and tried to keep it from me. Of course I found out. Hard to hide a habit like that in a small house with 3 kids.
    So I've had to wrap my brain around the fact that my husband smokes pot. Every day. It's hard. He does suffer from depression, and has intimated that it's worse now because of me, our marriage, and the stresses that inevitably result from having 3 kids in 5 years.
    I still don't know how this will all end up. Guess I'm hoping that as things get easier, he'll smoke less. I know, wishful thinking... Guess time will tell. Just never pictured myself married to someone addicted to a drug. (And I know, I know, pot is way less harmful than alcohol, is all natural, etc. etc. It still bugs me though. Can't change how I feel.)

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  9. gerry0625 - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by gerry0625 on September 25th, 2010 at 12:09 PM

    i see a lot of what if's, truth be told as long as he is not driving and smoking at the same time and when he does smoke he does it in the privacy of your home there really should be no issue depending on what state you live in in most cases personal consumption of Marijuana is a ticket at best and not even that in some place in the USA. Yes it is a drug but so is alcohol and tobacco and both kill more people every year than Marijuana. Sounds like a lil toke might do you some good and maybe help that anxiety you were talking about you might find you need your pills more than your husband needs his Marijuana.

    Gerry0625

    So. Cali

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  10. princestofrogs - 26-30 years old

    Posted by princestofrogs on November 17th, 2010 at 7:08 AM

    I get what you're saying, I'm in the middle ground, i have smoked and stopped cos it made me lazy. My boyfriend however smokes every day, He didn't when we started going out, and as I had given up this really attracted me to him. I now feel duped cos I wanted to give up that lifestyle, I dont mind the occasional smoke, I wouldnt even mind weekends as much, but every day is getting me down bigtime. I feel its holding him back from his full potential and therefore holding us back in our life together.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  11. princestofrogs - 26-30 years old

    Posted by princestofrogs on November 17th, 2010 at 7:09 AM

    ...and i don't think you just have to accept it because you knew about it in the beginning...

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

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