My step daughter flirts with me

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questionableself - 36-40 years old

Posted by questionableself
on November 8th, 2010 at 9:58 PM

I'm so torn and confused. My 15 yr old stepdaughter has been like a daughter to me since she was 2 days old. But now she is making me feel like a criminal. She flirts with me all the time to get what she wants even though it doesn't work any better than anything else. She is very touchy feely and exposes her body to me in ways she shouldn't but acts innocent about it.

The worst part is that I am NOT a child molestor but I'm beginning to see her in sexual dreams and Im horrified! In addition to that my wife, her mother is getting jealous. We don't have a sexually active marriage and to be forthright for the purpose, I've fallen in love with someone else but haven't left because I'm trying to do the right thing by my family.

I'm so messed up. I'm not saying I'm a perfect man and I know I'm not. I have my flaws but I'm not attracted to my daughter and I want her out of my dreams and to stop acting this way.

Any suggestions please?

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8 Comments (add your own)

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  1. cs230 - 56-60 years old - male

    Posted by cs230 on November 9th, 2010 at 12:34 AM

    At 15 she is probably coming into her sexuality. She knows she is affecting you. You will have to be the proper dad, tell her to cover up and behave. Be sure you aren't alone with her and nothing happens that can come back and bite you.

    Reply | 3dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 7:22AM

  3. Phantom69781 - 51-55 years old - male

    Posted by Phantom69781 on November 9th, 2010 at 6:05 AM

    She is coming into her sexual maturity and probably sees you as a 'safe' person on which to expore her sexuality. Since she is not your biological daughter, she probably figures it is all right to experiment with you, a safe family member who won't hurt her. I suspect she is unaware of what complications she is causing for you.

    I suggest finding a time when you can come clean with her that, while it is humanly natural to be curious and experimental with sex, you are not a person who she should use as an outlet. Explain to her - calmly - that there are some things that are natural expressions of development, but that she should not use you as the 'safe' subject she thinks you are.

    Be calm and understanding. This is an emotional time for her and she has to learn how to distinguish you as a parent, supporter and protector and not as a safe sexual source.

    It is very common for young people, first intering the sexual phase, to focus on a parent or some other authority figure. I suspect everyone goes through it. She probably figures since you are not her biological parent it is okay, but stress - calmly - that you are still her parent.

    Be calm and understanding. This can go well or badly. Focus on the fact that you love her and are there for her. If tension increases, call a time out and talk later. Nothing can be solved in one conversation, so don't let stress get into it. She will feel betrayed, cheated, and is going to take Time to get her emotions sorted out, especially with her hormones getting in the way.

    Remember, be kind, understanding, adult, do not give in to her temptations but assure her you are there as her parent.

    Don;t stress out if she backs away from you. She'll go through a period of embarassment as she realizes her body is making her do stupid things. She'll probably avoid you - guilt and shame - but be patient. It is going to take Time, but let her know frequently that you are there for her.

    Pray. Every day.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 7:22AM

  5. Blasterx - 22-25 years old - male

    Posted by Blasterx on November 9th, 2010 at 7:42 AM

    i like the way you're still married to your wife to do the right thing by your family, but shouldnt you talk to your wife about that?

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 7:22AM

  7. curlym - 61-65 years old - male

    Posted by curlym on November 9th, 2010 at 9:24 AM

    Some young women have teased around when I was doing service work and i absoloutly believe you.

    I never knew how far they would go nor was I willing to find out. I just know that they sort of come on to see that they are appealing. If your marriage is like you say muster up the courage and get out. Just remember that once you are out the other person may look different through you new set of eyes.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 7:22AM

  9. Posted by An EP User on November 9th, 2010 at 12:26 PM

    Same problem, it ends after she gets her first boyfriend.... hold on dude, help is on the way

    I still have the dreams sometimes, as she is a beautiful young lady, but all the touches in the world don't make it right

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 7:22AM

  11. Posted by An EP User on October 5th, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    I'm not going to be a 12 step group partner on this aren't a *********, you're scared that if you'll get caught and face jail time.....but there's a way to get it all.....first....find a way to bang your wife....nearly every she'll stop being jealous....just find a place in your mind where you can forget your wife is a nagging old hag...and find the naughty place in your mind where you want her more than all the freaky passionate **** with her.....let that situation stew a little so your wifes suspicions calm down....then one time when your wife is out getting that mani-pedi-spa day you planned for her, and you are all alone with the stepdaughter, you sit her down and discuss tell her that you know she wants you, and that the games are cute, but she doesn't have to play them anymore, but she is going to have to be an adult and keep the secret like a serious adult....and in exchange for her secrecy and the "get togethers" for hot sex a couple times a week when mom's not'll give her everything she wants....but she needs to do whatever you and out of the bedroom. when she says yes...and she can have her until college....just think ahead...think of what your wife wants to make her happy, then give it to's a small trade off...that and giving the daughter whatever she wants....small trade off...a little work for a lot of romantic with the wife....but freaky sexy with the daughter...other than that....treat her exactly the same...and if you're banging her....she won't feel the need to try to seduce you...the wife stops being jealous...and the other relationship your're doing that sacrifice your outside cheating......fake-fall in love with your wife again....and bang the bejeeebies out of her can use the mental images of her daughter in your mind when your banging your's a win/win/win/ situation. by the time you let the daughter have her way, the wifes already gonna be happy, and if she questions it.....tell her you just want the kid to have the things you and her didn't....and that way there's less stress...and that you and the wife can concentrate on your own love and not be so focused on the'll'll be the best time of your life.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  12. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 7:22AM

  13. soccerstud16 - 18-21 years old

    Posted by soccerstud16 on March 19th, 2012 at 10:16 AM

    you could pass her to me ?

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  14. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 7:22AM

  15. dirteedogee - 22-25 years old - male

    Posted by dirteedogee on May 11th, 2012 at 12:34 PM

    id **** the hell outta her,Teach her all the right moves.Then i'd prob go to prison but wow,what a story to tell here at EP.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  16. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 7:22AM

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