I Need Help Killing My Ex...

I Need Help Killing My Ex

He lied. He lied about not having a spouse therefore, every single thing he said after that very first lie, everything he did once that untruth crossed his vile lips was nothing more than an act of selfishness and I now know that the man I fell in love with was nothing more than an illusion. For a year, he lied to me and because he lied for so long, because he lied so very well, I must kill him.

Don't judge me. Everyone with an ex has done it. At some point after the breakup, you decide that you need to kill your ex. How we eventually complete the act is different for each of us. I have thought about using a gun. With my eyes closed, I can see myself pointing the gun at the place where a normal persons heart would be. I slowly pull the trigger once, twice, three times - and keep pulling until all I hear is the click of an empty cartridge. Walking away without a glance over my shoulder, I toss the gun his way. I don't need the gun anymore. He is dead.

Or I pondered the pain he would feel from a physical beating. Could it compare to what I am feeling right now? I have friends. I have lots of friends who are almost as angry as I am that someone could be so cruel, so devious, for so long. A large gathering of friends circled around the illusion of a man who was never there could be quite interesting. As he bounced off fists, as he bounced off friends, with each blunt thrust of a cohorts closed hand, the killing would take place. Watching from above, I would feel the same amount of remorse that he feels for his initial story to me. As we leave the beaten man, one last breath would expel from his body. No more lies could cross his lips ever again. He is dead.

Poison, knives, and hanging have all seemed like a good idea at one point or another. Oh, he has been killed so many ways - except the most important way and the truth is, he is not dead. And as my mind plays dirty tricks with memories of what I thought was the truth, I'm reminded each day that I have not really been able to kill him yet. And in the meantime of killing him, I am the one who is dead.

I know I am not alone. I know you have killed an ex or two in your life. How did you do it? How did you stop the memories from saturating your every thought? How did you stop the words he/she spoke aloud from echoing in your ears? How did you stop longing for another chance to bring a different meaning to the lies you were told? How did you forget to remember your love? Teach me how to forget so that I can begin to live again.