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I'm suicidal

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jillianlarson2011 - 18-21 years old - female

Posted by jillianlarson2011
on January 1st, 2011 at 9:15 PM


I have suicidal thoughts ,often. I can normally keep them in the back of my mind with all my other problems. My parents were worried about me because I was depressed ,so they got me a shrink. My parents don't know that I'm suicidal thou ,I think its for the best. But when i get really upset and i feel trapped my suicidal thoughts get out of control . They are out of control right now, that is why I'm writing this. I want to go get one of  my dad's guys and shout my self in the head, but i know how bad my death would hurt my family. so I sit here and write, I could call my shrink like she told me to, but I have not had to go see her in months and I don't want anyone( i know) to know my problems are flaring up again.

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4 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Posted by An EP User on January 1st, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    Knowing the consequences of self destruction is a healthy sign Jillian, Everyone has a rough patch once in a while. Give your life a chance to find joy in life. Life isn't always a joyful wonderful trip, but it does constantly change. Stay close to the people that love you and get involved in something you find interesting. It's really up to you to make yourself happy.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. jillianlarson2011 - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by jillianlarson2011 on January 3rd, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    Thank you for your wonderful comment Caliper, what you say is vary true. I have been going through a lot of ruff patches the last few months, I no long get along with my brother and mother at all and wish to move in with another family member but it would kill my dad(who i am really close to and get along GREAT with) and I don't want to hurt him.But the stress of living/being with my selfish self absorbed mother and brother is pushing me over the edge .Although I have had suicidal thoughts for over 2 years now they have been getting progressively worse, Extremely since my brother started puberty.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  3. jillianlarson2011 - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by jillianlarson2011 on March 3rd, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    thany you buddy, i love you. xoxo

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. otkadvisor - 46-50 years old - male

    Posted by otkadvisor on May 25th, 2013 at 11:28 AM

    I've helped a few young women stop cutting and purge suicidal thoughts using disciplinary spanking as a tool to stop and control self destructive behavior.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

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