I Was An Ativan Rape Victim...

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cgehawakanmo - 36-40 years old - male

Posted by cgehawakanmo
on April 6th, 2011 at 12:39 AM

Although "that" happened years ago, the memory still taunts and haunts me at times, when least wanted and expected. I have never , until now, mentioned this to a single soul, for fear and sheer embarrassment! But I feel I have to let it go, empower myself by sharing it right here, right now, for wasn't it said that A secret  losses it's power once shared? Well then... here goes, I'm setting Me free!

I had just finished my Jazz  dance class that Saturday day afternoon, when I saw this new fellow student at the bus stand. I remember him as a newbie because he asked me where the lockers was earlier that day. We chatted a bit while waiting for our bus,. He then offered to shout me a coffee since there was a huge crowd waiting anyway, he reasoned we might as well wait in comfort at a nearby cafe.

That was all I can remember from thereon... everything was a blurry nightmare! 

I woke up in a cheap motel room, ( I know it was cheap because it has no AIr conditioner, just electric fan) sweating and NAKED! He was on top of me and I could  hear myself repeatedly saying "NO, NO!" But i heard him say " I know you liked this!" instead and continued to assault me from behind.

The strange thing was I cannot move a muscle, even if I was not tied up! My mind was aware of this horrible thing happening but my body refused to moved! Later on, I found out it was due to a drug called ATIVAN. One can buy this over the counter from most chemist shops in Manila, Philippines, because this is what the farmers used to inject their female pigs when they want to fertilized it with a boar! I felt like a pig at that moment... used and abused!

The Motel room boy forced the door open after the 6 hours room charged lapsed and I was still in the room, still naked, wasted and groggy and  he put me on to a cab. That's how I got home.

There are times, mostly in solitudes, when this nightmare betrays me and surges up from the crevices of my brain to leave me blaming myself; saying; " You brought it upon yourself  dummy!" 


From Today, No more, I'm exorcizing "That" memory forever , Thanks for EP, this particular nightmare stops here!


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2 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Qagidi - 46-50 years old - male

    Posted by Qagidi on April 6th, 2011 at 1:09 AM

    Wow, that took courage! But I'm sure it's helped already. What an horrific experience, it's terrible that there are low-down scum and curls like this, can any male rake lower than him? Though nothing as dreadful as you experience and though I'm a male, I was raped at 10-11y and to this day can't take a man even standing within 2m of me. I sincerely hope that you have been able to get on with life and that by sharing this will be healed and now be able to leave it behind you on life's road.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 24th, 2015 at 9:04PM

  3. Raider1768 - 22-25 years old

    Posted by Raider1768 on April 6th, 2011 at 1:50 AM

    I just wanted to say thank you for opening up. now maybe somebody somewhere will see this and have the courage to admit or get something off there back they normally wouldnt. But anyhow hope all is well and be proud of yourself! never blame yourself for anothers actions

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 24th, 2015 at 9:04PM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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