I Am Aware I am Mentally and Emotionally Unstable

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Ameliorate - 26-30 years old - male

Posted by Ameliorate
on April 18th, 2011 at 8:16 PM

One day, in the beginning I am excited and in the best mood, thinking everythings fine. I 've got things in control and I feel strong, and my confidence and hope is unshaken. The goals are close and I'm sure happiness will come. I can handle being incredibly lonely, because the indpendence and self-reliance feels great. Then this next day, I feel as if I cannot do it anymore, when will I crack? I'm so close to the redzone, a walking explosive; full of profoundly repressed rage, anger and frustration! I hate the world and the people in it, my loneliness closes in and I know I will not win. The smile on my face shows the world that things are swell, when in truth there are storms underneath, with so much thunder and rain, rain that can't even drop from the dark clouds. I force myself to smile when feeling sad, simultaneously I can feel my eyes watering and my insides so vulnerable, waiting to bust. I guess the smile is what's keeping the lid on the glass. Unstable, unpredictable, scared, hopeful, beaten, scarred, but somehow still smiling :)......Thank you for reading.

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3 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Posted by An EP User on April 18th, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    i understand

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  2. Missmathematics - 46-50 years old - female

    Posted by Missmathematics on April 20th, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    I fear my son feels the same way and is younger he was and occasionally still is bullied he is 16 almost 17 and other people have took advantage of him & him kind gentle nature. He feels he cant win either .....I really fear for him that one day all the things he has gone through will make him ill .

    I think i know what your feeling but no one really knows anyone elses inner emotions.

    take care of yourself and connect only with people who are nice to you ,stay away from the others.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  3. Ameliorate - 26-30 years old - male

    Posted by Ameliorate on April 21st, 2011 at 7:47 AM

    Thank you akablondie for your comment; I will try to stay away from the bad people who treat me with undeserved awfulness. You now, I'm not even sure what to say about your son, we are both in the same exact shoes. And your advice is the best; get out and stay clear from the bullies, haters, and those who mis-understand and misperceive. People can truly do unbelievable things to others, thank you.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

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