I Am Aware I am Mentally and Emotionally Unstable

One day, in the beginning I am excited and in the best mood, thinking everythings fine. I 've got things in control and I feel strong, and my confidence and hope is unshaken. The goals are close and I'm sure happiness will come. I can handle being incredibly lonely, because the indpendence and self-reliance feels great. Then this next day, I feel as if I cannot do it anymore, when will I crack? I'm so close to the redzone, a walking explosive; full of profoundly repressed rage, anger and frustration! I hate the world and the people in it, my loneliness closes in and I know I will not win. The smile on my face shows the world that things are swell, when in truth there are storms underneath, with so much thunder and rain, rain that can't even drop from the dark clouds. I force myself to smile when feeling sad, simultaneously I can feel my eyes watering and my insides so vulnerable, waiting to bust. I guess the smile is what's keeping the lid on the glass. Unstable, unpredictable, scared, hopeful, beaten, scarred, but somehow still smiling :)......Thank you for reading.