I'm stuck in an emotionless relationship and I don't know what to do.

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on April 29th, 2011 at 2:56 PM

I am 21 years old and feel like my life is already over. I have a 2 month old daughter (whom I do NOT regret and love more than anything in the universe). Her father, my boyfriend, isn’t a bad person. Our relationship is dead, though. I don’t know what to do. We live together, work together, and have a child together. All of this time together wouldn’t be terrible if we were still in love, but we’re not. He is a very loud, outspoken, and (to be bluntly honest) sometimes obnoxious person… to the point where he’s often an embarrassment. I used to think his humor and energy was cute and endearing, but I cannot stand it anymore.

He’s not a bad person. He is very nice and provides well for my daughter and I. Furthermore, he has sacrificed so much to be with me. He never sees his friends anymore and has gotten a demanding 9-6 Monday-Friday job where I work to help support us. Since we weren’t quite on our feet when I got pregnant, we have moved in with his father, which is a less than ideal living situation because his father is terribly depressed and bipolar. My boyfriend has been working like crazy to make enough money to allow us to move out.

Everything about him… everything he does… is for me and our daughter. This makes it impossible for me to leave him. It would CRUSH him. I truly don’t think he is a strong enough person to handle something like that. Depression runs in his family, and I fear that if I leave him, he would fall into depression and possibly harm himself.

But I don’t want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I want to go back to school and have more children with someone who I love. Someone who is romantic and can make me feel loved. Someone who I share common interests with. My boyfriend and I couldn’t be more different. At first, I loved that. Now, I hate it. He drives me insane sometimes. I often fanaticize about how my life would be with other people. I don’t know what to do. I need some advice.

I want to leave, but I feel that I can’t. I am confident that I could get my life back on track as a single woman. I would have to move 5 hours away to live with my parents. I would work and go back to College for Nursing. It would be hard, but I know myself, and I know that I could be okay. But I care about my boyfriend too much to completely ruin his life. I don’t want to be with him, but I don’t want to completely shatter his world, either. Me and my daughter are his life. If we leave, he would be totally lost.

What do I do? Is there anything I can say to him to try to salvage this relationship? Should I just stay in this thing? I mean, people go through a lot worse. He’s not abusive. He’s not a bad person. Am I complaining about nothing?

I do want my daughter to have a mother and father in her life. I am at a loss. I don’t know what to do. I’m just so sick of being unhappy in this relationship. I am unhappy when I wake up, when I go to work, when I come home, and when I go to bed. I have no alone time. No friends. No close family nearby. My boyfriend is my life, and I can’t stand him 75% of the time.


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