I love my mom and dad

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richa12345678 - 22-25 years old - female

Posted by richa12345678
on May 10th, 2011 at 11:41 AM

Dear mom and dad,

I'm now writing this to you, there are a lot of things I can't tell you directly. So, I think this is the best way to tell you, another thing is it relaxes my mind also. If  I'll die or anything would happen to me, you can read this . Mom and dad you are great !  I'm just telling you from the bottom of my heart . I know what you did for us ( me and my bro ) is the best . You are really genuine I  feel it. Sometimes it happens that some of my mentality does not match with you. sometimes I misbehave with you, I'm really feeling guilty every second  for that . I admire a lot of qualitits of you both, you are honest, sacrificing . Especially  mom you are just awesome !  I can't  express it in words . You advised me something , but  I didn't listen , God punished me, believe me, I'm not good mom . I am suffering in so much pain but yeah, I'll survive with that pain the rest of my life for you, that would be my punishment . Mom you thought I didn't bother about you when I was in that relation , no mom it's not true , I can't sleep at night, because I felt guilty . The feelings was so strong , I can't  tell it to anyone because my mentality does not match with my so called " friends " . They simply laugh at me . I never asked anything from anyone, not from you, not from my  ex !  Always  I wanted to take the pain of others as far as I can , means my family , mom, dad, bro and my ex !  I didn't want really to insult you by my activity . I want to give you glory not shame  But at the sametime i don't know why , may be I was blind or something, ( this is how love works ) I was in " love ", so  I can't tolarate any problem or pain of him. I cared each and everytime so much, didn't even think about myself, my lunch, my sleep, and so many things. It's not that mom I took so many gifts or something like that . I give and give everything, he just receive and receive . And in addition lied me, cheated me, abused me mom. I  confessed you about the money ,that I gave him money,  but how can I tell you I was abused by him !!. There are a lot of things I have I can file a case against him , I didn't do it , rather try to be normal and lean it  from all for your reputation. Mom you told me most of the guys are bad , they used girls , I didn't understand , so  I get payed back .  Yes I'm happy that  god punished me....I can't tell you how much I'm suffering , My eyes getting blurred , I can't  write anymore....I'm now living just because of you, just to give you glory, happiness and so many other things in the rest of my life . I  have nothing to see , nothing to feel, I'm finished, I'm living with a dead soul. I know these will hurt you and dad sooooo much you can't take it . So, I lean it from you, and this makes me more mental patient . Things getting worse mom . I'm trying to survive each and every second . The thing is I love you , care about you, It's not that I wanted to hurt you , believe me . I know I hurt you already , so you blame me all the times , I just can’t listen all those words , but mom I really wanna face those words , but I can’t . I like to suicide . I think I am worthless . why I’m living ? Can I help society anyhow ???? If not then, why I am here ??  Ohh,….GOD, I really feel soooo much pain in heart I can’t continue writing right now . Mom blame everytime , I can’t withstand  anymore . But I have to hear those words ,, have to …..have to suffer in terrible pain the rest of my life . I’m not begging sympathy from anyone, I hate begging sympathy . I know what is trust. When it is broken, it can never be replaced anymore !  I  AM  SORRY , SORRY, SORRY. I want a death sentence . I want all the people all over the world should curse me . I don’t know whether I am doing wrong or not . Of course I’m wrong in that sence I hurt mom. But I didn’t want to use him . I was genuine. But I’m not gonna tell anything about me anymore. It’s upto you to decide . I’m leaving it to you ….

Another thing is about marriage, It’s difficult to make you both understand my situation.

At the first time , I did as far as I can for everyone , now things change, I’m not living actually, first of all, I’m afraid of guys . It seems to me guys are monsters . I don’t have any specially feelings towards guys ( I feel like I’m dead body ) . If I marry someone, omg !  I think I’ll die. Rather I have to suicide . I know surely they called me crazy . I ‘m so much concentrated about myself , coz I can’t concentrate on others . I ‘m not that girl right now what I was before , and it’s almost impossible to bring me back in that position where I was , I am a mental patient , only extreme care can do that . But  why do I marry anyone ??? why ???  For care ??? No…..I’ll not waste anyone’s life…( but  I expected that only that nothing more but I got enough… I need nothing just nothing …..I’m scared to live….) I don’t have any feelings , I can’t do anythings for him and for his family . I really want to do for them , I can tell you this from my heart , but I know I can’t do it . I ‘ll make my husband bore , depressed . Why do anyone waste his life with a mental patient ? It’s not that I still have any feelings for him or I have lost my virginity. But yeah, he used me, touched me , I ‘m feeling so much insulted I can’t even express it in words .I like to burn myself . I didn’t understand why guys are so self-centered , so terrible GOD ?????  I just hate hate hate hate hate hate him with all of my heart . But  bad memries are still in my head . I  know sometimes  it may flashback !!! It ‘ll create complexity in my marriage . Well, outwardly no one can understand my mental problem. I ‘m hiding it inside me . I can able to do all works like normal people . But I can’t listen all those relationship stuff. I want to live in such a world without those relations . Sounds crazy ???  May be I don’t know what should do and what shouldn’t  !  I don’t wanna marry and wanna be with my parents and try to give them happiness . I don’t know how can  I  make them understand those ….but I have to try at my best .


And at the end to the GOD :  Please forgive me if I’m wrong and don’t push me away from you .

Vote up! 2

11 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Posted by An EP User on May 10th, 2011 at 11:52 AM

    You rock. (:

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 28th, 2015 at 1:54AM

  3. ctnandu - 26-30 years old - male

    Posted by ctnandu on May 11th, 2011 at 2:10 AM

    Plzzz.... Death is never a solution. U will cause more pain to ur loved ones who have been with u for so many years..though they may resent you now they still love u. Especially our parents... Time will heal ur relationship with them..

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 28th, 2015 at 1:54AM

  5. sweetmusic2011 - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by sweetmusic2011 on May 11th, 2011 at 10:49 PM

    Print this and send it to them. I couldnt read it all but what i didnt read I skimmed. I love you girl. Stay strong!

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 28th, 2015 at 1:54AM

  7. richa12345678 - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by richa12345678 on May 11th, 2011 at 11:45 PM

    @ sweetmusic2011...thank you :)

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 28th, 2015 at 1:54AM

  9. wettingfreak - 41-45 years old - male

    Posted by wettingfreak on May 12th, 2011 at 12:11 AM

    If you can't tell them with your lips then let your writing do it for you as you have a ablity to do that well and know that you have a friend that will stand with you any time any place for as long as you need right here waiting for you to call upon him .Love you and I am here for you .

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 28th, 2015 at 1:54AM

  11. richa12345678 - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by richa12345678 on May 12th, 2011 at 12:15 AM

    @ wettingfreak.....thanks a lot

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  12. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 28th, 2015 at 1:54AM

  13. wettingfreak - 41-45 years old - male

    Posted by wettingfreak on May 12th, 2011 at 12:21 AM

    your welcome but that is what we are supossed to do ,we are to support not tear down and befriend and not hate and if we can't help each other then why are we here other than to take up space .We all have problems and we all have solutions most of the time the solution we have is for someone else and theirs if for you.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  14. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 28th, 2015 at 1:54AM

  15. goodheart00 - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by goodheart00 on May 22nd, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    its amazing i have been feeling the same exact way regarding the parents. since my breakup i have been immensely and horribly lonely and depressed that i have thought of ending it all myself. it is a bad place when you feel like there is no real reason to be around. everyday, i have been feeling who is going to miss me?? when i ask this question i think of my mom and dad and i realize that i cant end it bc of the pain and heartache it would cause them. the love i have for them is greater than the despair i am going through. but i often think that if i didnt have them i would be gone. its a sad thought but so true. we both have been SO hurt and our immediate family is keeping us alive and around so there must be a reason we are here. we must be strong. any time you are feeling low we can talk *hug*

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  16. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 28th, 2015 at 1:54AM

  17. chakri4198 - 26-30 years old

    Posted by chakri4198 on July 12th, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    Living Life"

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  18. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 28th, 2015 at 1:54AM

  19. richa12345678 - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by richa12345678 on October 27th, 2011 at 5:33 PM

    @Angelfalls -- thank you so much dear , i agree with you

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  20. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 28th, 2015 at 1:54AM

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