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I wish i hadn't hurt him :(

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frootiee - 22-25 years old - female

Posted by frootiee
on October 31st, 2011 at 4:59 AM


So back in school i met this amazing guy. He was total fun to be with, made my dreary life wonderful and then unfortunately for him, he fell in love with me. Before i knew it he was totally head over heels in love with me. He is a very passionate guy, doing nothing by halves. And i was going through a crazy phase and i thought i loved him too. Stupid stupid me. Well, to shorten it i broke it off after a while. Yes, it was cruel, selfish, unforgivable and stupid. I have regretted hurting him atleast a 100 times after that. Well, he had gone off to college after promising me we'll make our long-distance relation work and now i had broken up with him. It came as a blow to him and he spent weeks without eating or sleeping or studying. Still, i couldn't understand his pain. After a few years, he fell in love with another girl from college and had a great time but she kinda cheated on him and that too ended. Since then he's been living a real reckless life - smoking, drinking heavily and every vice you can think of. Now he has flings with gals at his college and is the opposite of the guy i knew and loved.
I had gone through some major life-changes in the past year and now i fully understand my mistakes. I wish i could ever make up for what i did to him. I feel, and i know, that if only i hadn't done that to him back then, he wouldn't have ended up like this now. Regret is burning in my mind when i think of him. Even after all that i had done to him, he still remains my best friend. I once complained for some silly thing that i was dispensible like all the other gals to him and he replied, " If you were that dispensible to me, you would have been laid by now and I would have left long before you woke up".
He is a very special person in my life and me in his life. But i wish i could take back what i did. Not that i am ready to love him now, we are not compatible in that way, and that i know now. But i wish i had never said yes to him all those years back. Then we would have continued to be best friends like now but he would be better atleast in health i guess. Now everytime i ask him to quit smoking and drinking, he just laughs and asks' "For what?". The two heartbreaks really took its toll on him and he keeps saying he'll never love again. And i also think he is still in love with me. I can't just shut him out of my life to stop that, can i?
I just wish i could somehow bring back my old happy friend.

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5 Comments (add your own)

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  1. avibot - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by avibot on October 31st, 2011 at 5:38 AM

    this is long

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 19th, 2014 at 5:45AM

  3. frootiee - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by frootiee on October 31st, 2011 at 6:08 AM

    sorry :-/ noticed that only after posting.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 19th, 2014 at 5:45AM

  5. Posted by An EP User on November 2nd, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    yes i know this feeling...regret really drives one crazy...i hope u get out of it soon:))

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 19th, 2014 at 5:45AM

  7. UnderEli - 41-45 years old - male

    Posted by UnderEli on December 31st, 2011 at 8:36 AM

    Good story. I don't think you have anything to feel bad about, frootiee. You said yourself that you know you and your friend are incompatible as partners; imagine the mess you might both be if you were still together? At a certain point you have to look after yourself first, which is what you've done. As for your friend and his habits and attitude, it is up to him to fix himself, not you. If he wants to believe he'll never love again then it's his problem. He has to heal in his own way, at his own pace, but his choice deal with loss the way he is is entirely his choice. It may be sad, but he's the one who has chosen to indulge in all this vices instead.



    It's a nice gesture to admit you feel bad about the way you dumped him, and how you things may have turned out different. That regret may never got away, but , unfortunately, the past is gone and we can't get it back. Sounds like it's best for you to look forward now.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 19th, 2014 at 5:45AM

  9. frootiee - 22-25 years old - female

    Reply by frootiee Jan 2nd, 2012 at 4:19AM

    I am trying but he's still my best friend, we still see each other, text each other. I feel even more guilty when he does all this. He even came over once to my home unexpectedly because he was bored at home! Such gestures make me love him all the more but the guilt never leaves. I just want to see him in a better place than this one somehow and soon. :( Thanks for commenting..

    Reply

  10. akhilsnath - 22-25 years old - male

    Posted by akhilsnath on March 8th, 2012 at 8:26 AM

    frootie i think u must understand this even though he says he will never love again his heart still earns for love bt he will never accept it bcoz he feels insecure

    only thing u can do is let him heal he will fall in love again . n u can be at his side give him support that he needs

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  11. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 19th, 2014 at 5:45AM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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