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how can i kill myself and make it look like an accident?

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kiissygaara - 18-21 years old - female

Posted by kiissygaara
on December 5th, 2011 at 8:38 PM


I was five when my half older brother sexually harassed and raped me. My parents had left him to babysit me. He repeatedly raped me for hours it seemed. At the time I didn't know what he was doing, all I knew was that it hurt and that I wasn't suppose to tell anyone. Cover with my own tears and blood he insisted on giving me a bath. When my parents got home it still hurt so I told my mother only to get slapped. She told me not to tell anyone, so I didn't. She didn't even care for me and that I was hurting so bad. I hate my older half brother, he went to jail when I was ten years old for drug transporting but got out a couple months ago and is living with me. I hate him here, the way he looks at me and treats me. I wanna kill myself and get everything over with. But i can't kill myself just like that, I have to make it look like an accident so my dad won't be disappointed .. i need help.

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8 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Posted by An EP User on December 5th, 2011 at 8:43 PM

    better to kill him than yourself baby..

    Reply | 4dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 21st, 2014 at 3:17PM

  3. kiissygaara - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by kiissygaara on December 5th, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    i can't move out, and i doubt reporting him now would do any better

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 21st, 2014 at 3:17PM

  5. Jones47 - 61-65 years old - male

    Reply by Jones47 Dec 5th, 2011 at 8:58PM

    If you are desperate enough to end your life, you should be desperate enough to fight your scum of half a brother. Have you consider fighting back, he is the winner if you die, you can no longer point a finger at him. If you are still living at home and a minor seek protection of law enforcement. Consider contacting a shelter for sexual abused and seeing a therapist. There will never be another you, know that the world has someone that will love you and care for you--you only need to rearch out to find them.

    Reply

  6. kiissygaara - 18-21 years old - female

    Reply by kiissygaara Dec 5th, 2011 at 9:12PM

    i don't wanna do it because i don't want to hurt my dad. other than that i wouldn't care. my dad is my whole life. but to see the face of the person who did that to me every day is like a reminder of what happened. He's like 33 and he's still living at home, the only reason i can't leave is because i'm under disability and have to be under adult super vision. I do see a psychologist and a psychiatrist. for five years almost. not that much help, i think they're the ones that need help -.-

    Reply

    1 more reply
  7. PRETTYGIRLHATESTHEWORLD - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by PRETTYGIRLHATESTHEWORLD on December 5th, 2011 at 9:02 PM

    Just cause you got raped doent mean you should kill yourself lol and if you really wanted to kill yourself you would just get it done with and you honestly wouldnt care if it looked like a accident or not lol so your stuck there

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 21st, 2014 at 3:17PM

  9. kiissygaara - 18-21 years old - female

    Reply by kiissygaara Dec 5th, 2011 at 9:16PM

    the only reason i want it to look like an accident is because I don't want my dad to think he's a failure because he's not. I don't wanna kill myself because I got raped, I want to do it because I have to be reminded of it everyday.

    Reply

  10. nickt18052 - 41-45 years old

    Posted by nickt18052 on December 5th, 2011 at 10:44 PM

    Jesus loves you and will heal you. Your life is of great worth. Do not do something you will

    regret for eternity.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  11. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 21st, 2014 at 3:17PM

  12. TwilightDream - 36-40 years old - female

    Posted by TwilightDream on December 6th, 2011 at 4:27 AM

    If you are a minor, report it to childrens services, they will take you out of the home,. They will also see that he goes to jail for what he did. TELL SOMEONE. If you do what you are planning, your dad will never get over it. He will always feel he was to blame, even if it looked like an accident......Your only solution is to stop that piece of scum that hurt you, and you want to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else, right ??

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  13. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 21st, 2014 at 3:17PM

  14. rc0466 - 46-50 years old

    Posted by rc0466 on August 4th, 2012 at 10:01 PM

    Just reading this made me stop feeling bad for myself...I am so very sorry! Just walk away! I would sell all I have to pay for you a place to stay because that is so messed up that you are there with him...

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  15. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 21st, 2014 at 3:17PM

  16. helloooooooooooooo - 22-25 years old

    Posted by helloooooooooooooo on October 8th, 2012 at 11:16 AM

    make it look like your half brother was the one that killed you..

    that way you get what you want and he goes to jail for the crimes he committed.

    get his dna on the knife and stab yourself? iono



    thats how i would do it.



    actually how i would do it would be to get out of that house and find a shelter, and try to rebuild from there. If that doesn't work out you can always go back to kill yourself.... but at least you tried.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  17. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 21st, 2014 at 3:17PM

  18. gregwantstodie - 46-50 years old - male

    Reply by gregwantstodie Apr 6th, 2013 at 11:39AM

    You sick ****....did you just tell a kid to kill herself?? i will **** you up the *** with my bowie knife you daft ******* slime ******* shite **** piece of dirt. YOU are lucky youre not in front of me you ******* shite ******* ****

    Reply

  19. itsbugsy - 18-21 years old - male

    Reply by itsbugsy Apr 23rd, 2013 at 1:14AM

    Good job. You just threatened someone over the internet. You're instantly tough and cool and everyone will like you. Congratulations!

    Reply

  20. itsbugsy - 18-21 years old - male

    Posted by itsbugsy on April 23rd, 2013 at 1:38 AM

    Well if you haven't killed yourself yet then you may want to consider trying some Jimson Weed. Take about 20 or 30 grams of it's seed before you go to sleep. It'll just look like you were trying to get high and messed up the dosage. Just don't google how much is safe, in case they try to check your web history check how much you need to get high. Then delete this post or else he'll see it and it'll make him even sadder. Good luck.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  21. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 21st, 2014 at 3:17PM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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