Posted by totallying
on January 10th, 2012 at 12:36 AM
i feel free! free from all the responsibilities and all the rants of my gf! free from all the drama! i feel like i can do anything that i want! whew. sure i won't get to be with a girl, but who cares?! i have soooooo many free time now! hmmm.. taking a step back, maybe i'm just not ready to be in a relationship. i mean i was so eager to get one 4 years ago. but after messing it, i learned i just want to know what it feels like to be in one. what confuses me is that why did i feel sad? is it because i'm gonna miss my gf and all the benefits i had when i was in a relationship? or i don't want to be compared to another guy (she's already dating one----****? lol)? or did i really gave my all and love her from the bottom of my life and i just messed it all up for the reason she should be with a person any other than me since i'm a f*cked up individual therefore regretting that i ever hook up with her? idk. love has so many definitions anyway. and using my definition (it is actually scott peck's), i kind of did and stopped doing so. regardless of the answer which i will leave it in my reflection time in the lavatory, i will not dwell on it. i am currently experiencing my solution to every emotional problem in the world: changing one's state of mind or simply looking at it from another and better perspective. time is the only one that hinders a person from realizing this. given this state of mind, i feel motivated to study. i will probably fail this march since i won't be able to make it even if i get a 100 in all 3 exams. nevertheless, i don't feel hopeless at all. in fact i feel more energized. idk. probably because of reading the manga: giant killing. this euphoria i'm feeling is wonderful. idk why i'm feeling this way. i mean 1 story of mine ago, i was feeling depressed and sh!tty. but now i feel excited and energized. am i bipolar?
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