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totallying - 22-25 years old - male

Posted by totallying
on January 10th, 2012 at 12:36 AM

i feel free! free from all the responsibilities and all the rants of my gf! free from all the drama! i feel like i can do anything that i want! whew. sure i won't get to be with a girl, but who cares?! i have soooooo many free time now! hmmm.. taking a step back, maybe i'm just not ready to be in a relationship. i mean i was so eager to get one 4 years ago. but after messing it, i learned i just want to know what it feels like to be in one. what confuses me is that why did i feel sad? is it because i'm gonna miss my gf and all the benefits i had when i was in a relationship? or i don't want to be compared to another guy (she's already dating one----****? lol)? or did i really gave my all and love her from the bottom of my life and i just messed it all up for the reason she should be with a person any other than me since i'm a f*cked up individual therefore regretting that i ever hook up with her? idk. love has so many definitions anyway. and using my definition (it is actually scott peck's), i kind of did and stopped doing so. regardless of the answer which i will leave it in my reflection time in the lavatory, i will not dwell on it. i am currently experiencing my solution to every emotional problem in the world: changing one's state of mind or simply looking at it from another and better perspective. time is the only one that hinders a person from realizing this. given this state of mind, i feel motivated to study. i will probably fail this march since i won't be able to make it even if i get a 100 in all 3 exams. nevertheless, i don't feel hopeless at all. in fact i feel more energized. idk. probably because of reading the manga: giant killing. this euphoria i'm feeling is wonderful. idk why i'm feeling this way. i mean 1 story of mine ago, i was feeling depressed and sh!tty. but now i feel excited and energized. am i bipolar? 

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3 Comments (add your own)

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  1. daphi - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by daphi on January 10th, 2012 at 11:46 PM

    Omg this is me exactly! But except failing my exams I didn't go to school this year bc of my damn ex. And no ur not bipolar, at least I don't think. Haha I feel EXACTLY the same way so if ur bipolar then I guess so am I haha >0<

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  2. totallying - 22-25 years old - male

    Reply by totallying Jan 11th, 2012 at 12:23AM

    after my euphoria yesterday, i feel depressed again. sucks. but it was probably because i didn't study yesterday while there's a paper due tomorrow, a quiz on friday, and freaking exams next week. lol. i envy you for not going to school. i have never worked hard in school, so i was kinda always having fun. but still, i want to experience being a bum. i know it's gonna be fun at first and boring latter. but oh so fun without responsibilities. sadly, no money.


  3. daphi - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by daphi on January 11th, 2012 at 12:35 AM

    Ya that's true. And being a bum does get really boring when all ur friends are in school believe me haha. I'm sorry ur depressed again, I know that's not fun :/

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  4. totallying - 22-25 years old - male

    Reply by totallying Jan 11th, 2012 at 1:01AM

    so what do you do when you were bored? dont tell me stuff. say something specific like eat and sleep all day and party all night (sean kingston), or be a couch potato or something.


  5. daphi - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by daphi on January 11th, 2012 at 1:15 AM

    Haha basically be a couch potato, I try to get out as much as possible but its not very often :/ im trying to get a job bc I really love to buy things lol I never really got anything growing up so ya :}

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  6. totallying - 22-25 years old - male

    Reply by totallying Jan 11th, 2012 at 6:16AM

    hmmm. you're in the west right? i heard-watched in tv shows that you can get money by baby sitting, mowing the lawn, and working at fast food chains. is that right? maybe you can do those stuff.


  7. daphi - 18-21 years old - female

    Reply by daphi Jan 11th, 2012 at 1:29PM

    I'm in the midwest but ya all that stuff is here too. And I guess I'm just going to apply anywhere and everywhere no matter what it is :/


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