resentment

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Posted by iwldgetthere
on January 24th, 2012 at 12:12 PM

my mother has driven us her children to resentmen she is realy frustrating us...i need some one to talk to about this.

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Posted by igoodman38 on January 24th, 2012 at 12:33 PM

Try to forgive your mother, I really relate to this and know how you feel but you must try to see your mother as poorly if you like, these feelings and emotions bubble up because something is wrong and the only way it will be resolved happily is with love, support and non judgement. These things tend to spiral out of control because unsaid emotions add fuel to the fire and create more insecuirty and pain for all involved and a blame game starts.

You must realise that at the core of your emotion is deep love - that is why you care and react. Find a way of expressing your anger, dissapointment or feelings neutrally so it does not stoke the fire as we only feel bad after wards no matter how hurt or let down we may feel. We all want parents to be strong, kind, loyal and responsible and when they let us down we want parents but in reality very few parents are like this and we often harbour resentments toward them for falling short of the mark. No one is perfect and people only thrive and do well when they are loved and supported unconditionally. We can all help each other get better at things by practising love. Love cures and heals anything, it just needs patience, empathy and understanding. We are all just children who need help. Try to forgive and understand her as it will help you have the relationship you desire. No relationship is easy - they take time and dedication towards doing things for the greater good.

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Posted by iwldgetthere on January 24th, 2012 at 1:25 PM

thanks alot for commenting....we sincerely love our mother but she never gives us the chance to express how we feel, if she wrongs us and we try to let her know, she blows everytin into proporsion. all she wants is for us to say yes to every thing she wants and not show it if we are hurt. she thinks only of herself and she is never wrong.today 24 of jan we had a very big quarrel and sencerly speaking she was the one who was wrong. but she wouldnt admit it, if u ask our mother to tell you something personal about each of her children i know she would have nothing to say. becos she spend most of the time saying hurtful words.

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Reply by igoodman38 Jan 24th, 2012 at 1:46PM

Believe me I know how you feel, this is my mother all over and its caused me no end of anxiety and pain. What I have learnt thought is she wont let us speak or vent our feelings because she knows the truth deep down and its too painful to hear out load. Her way of dealing with her inner most fear and realisation that she hurts yu and thinks so low of herself is to keeo projecting that pain out on you - then at least she can control it as her worst fears are realised. It has absolutely nothing to do with you - she just cant deal with her own pain so this is her way of controlling it. Something must make her feel deeply insecure inside but she is afraid to ever talk about it or confess so by not letting you talk she thinks she can avoid it. Believe me when I say as much as i understand my own mother now and get why she does things it doesnt make it any easier. Love is very painful sometimes. All I know is that I can only be responsible for how I react to a situation, she is almost dragging you in to deflect attention from herself. If you refuse to engage in the negativity and look on with empathy and real care because she is the walking wounded too and these things have a way of destroying families as all get hurt. I have invested in reading buddhiust wisdom about how to see situations, conversations and words as just energy and thoughts and allow them to come and go without reacting, then we dont have to feel negative as a consequence. If we react badly to a jibe which when we love someone and they are being unreasonable we do react because we care and feel hurt. Just know this is darkness on a soul and it wants you to react. If you react with anything do it with loving words or actions and you will extinguish the flames of anger so you mum will have to start dealing with her own hurts. Engaging just gives her an excuse and diverts attention and focus/blame on to you. Rise above the situation with wisdom. Count to three say I love you and walk away.Once you get used of doing this you master the darkness and achieve what you really desire. Dont fight fire with fire. Sending love xx

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Reply by iwldgetthere Jan 25th, 2012 at 11:30AM

hmm u hav said it all, i didnt c it that way i just tot she hates us somuch. am happy i let it out and am so greatful that you listened, i feel beta now and i think i would now try to handel the situation differently...but am realy worried cos we went and apologise to her even if we knew she was wrong but she wouldnt listen to us.

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