I Wanna Leave This Earth

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kiki1956 - 56-60 years old - female

Posted by kiki1956
on February 16th, 2012 at 2:09 AM

I admit that I need help, depression is really getting to me lately. I don't wanna live anymore. I feel my life is out of control and slowly slipping away from me. I have lost my husband who ment the word to me. If I don't have him then I have nothing. I love this man with all my heart and I know it is over, I can't live without him and I won't. I just want it all to end. No fighting or cussing, no worries, no fears, no tomorrow. I need to rest and I want to leave this earth.

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  1. likesmile256 - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by likesmile256 on February 16th, 2012 at 3:28 AM

    I was in that place for like the last two months. Lately, I don't know what's happening, but I'm somehow increasingly getting better. Right now, it probably feels like the end of the world and like you're trapped, and all you can think about is how to end you life constantly, yet you can't because something is holding you back? My mom and dad were the only things that made me not just go hang myself in the next room. I appreciate them so much for it. I realize, if you have a husband, I'm probably a little bit younger than you, and I may not comprehend everything you say, but if you ever need someone to talk to about it, don't be afraid to message me.

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  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 21st, 2015 at 12:19AM

  3. kiki1956 - 56-60 years old - female

    Reply by kiki1956 Feb 16th, 2012 at 11:15AM

    Thank you for listening and trying to understand me. I do feel so alone right now


  4. Posted by An EP User on February 20th, 2012 at 4:55 AM

    You CAN live without your husband, but are considering choosing differently.

    I do not know the pain of losing a husband through death (though I know the pain of losing a child). The longer the marriage, the greater the challenge. It is too easy to lose one's identity in a marriage. I know. That is something that I must always be on guard against.

    If I were to suggest that discovering yourself can be the most amazing and exciting thing that any human being could ever experience, would you consider choosing life? I came from the depths of despair after a divorce (and I have heard that divorce is more difficult to survive than death of a spouse). I'm glad I did.

    I don't think that suicide is wrong. I think that it is your choice, and I value and respect you as a person to the point where I grant you the right to do what you think best. At the same time, when someone says that she CAN'T live without someone, I long to help that person meet themselves for the first time. It can be an amazing experience.

    How different life is than that which we have been told that it is. You are a being of great power. YOu are perfect and beautiful and have been living in a world that isn't real. There is almost nothing that you cannot do using your own god-like powers. Imagine! You are not dependent on anyone and you are not disconnected from anyone. No one can harm you because your powers are that strong.

    What would you like to do in YOUR life using this tremendous godly power? the odd thing about this question is that someone who is more of a spouse than a person cannot discover self until AFTER spouse leaves. This is an opportunity knocking. I know that it's hard to see opportunity right now, but that does not obliterate it.

    If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me. I will not judge

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  5. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 21st, 2015 at 12:19AM

  6. kiki1956 - 56-60 years old - female

    Reply by kiki1956 Feb 20th, 2012 at 4:16PM

    I thank you for the comment and cherished every word of it. The thing is I have no place or nowhere to go and he wants me to leave so I feel I have nothing right now. I try to fight the tears everyday wondering whats going to happen to me. It is like he has turned the light switch off. How can one day you love somebody with you rwhole heart and the next day destroy your whole world? I admit I am not perfect for he is not either! I am hurting so bad and just want it to stop. I can't remember the last time I have laughed!


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